The Day I Tried To Live
Sometimes, an artist speaks directly to your soul. When you experience their creation, it feels like they created a work of beauty out of your deepest feelings that you don't understand and can't find the words to describe. This song was released as a single on this day in 1994, and I connected with it in exactly that manner when I first heard it as a pissed off and confused thirteen year old. I'd like to say that I've outgrown these feelings, but I would only be lying to myself.
This is me in a nutshell. As you can imagine, there aren't too many people who are willing to put up with this sort of pattern, so by the time I try again, there are a lot fewer people around. The pandemic hasn't helped either.
|Dallas/Fort Worth Airport (2017)|
This song reminds me of another song, and a moment where I tried to live. It happened on a flight to El Paso in November 2017. I had been listening to The Struts in the weeks before my trip, and the lyrics to Could Have Been Me echoed in my head. I decided that when I got off of the plane, I was going to become the person that I always wanted to be - an outgoing, social, fun person who didn't let anxiety stop him from having an adventure.
It wasn't until later that I realized that I was having manic episode that I had mistaken for divine inspiration from a British glam rock song. It may have felt at the time like I was "dodging bullets with my broken past", but the truth ended up being a lot closer to Soundgarden.
The Day I Tried To Live
I woke the same as any other dayExcept a voice was in my headIt said, "Seize the dayPull the trigger, drop the blade and watch the rolling heads"The day I tried to liveI stole a thousand beggar's changeAnd gave it to the richThe day I tried to winI dangled from the power linesAnd let the martyrs stretchSinging one more time around might do itOne more time around might make itOne more time around might do itOne more time around might make itThe day I tried to liveWords you sayNever seem to live up to the ones inside your headThe lives we makeNever seem to ever get us anywhere but deadThe day I tried to liveI wallowed in the blood and mudWith all the other pigs, heySinging one more time around might do itOne more time around might make itOne more time around might do itOne more time around might make itThe day I tried to liveI triedI woke the same as any other dayYou know I should have stayed in bedThe day I tried to winI wallowed in the blood and mudWith all the other pigsAnd I learned that I was a liarI learned that I was a liarSinging one more time around might do itOne more time around might make itOne more time around might do itOne more time around might make itThe day I tried to liveJust like you