The Next Time You Pull A Razor On Me, You Better Shave

Cleopatra Jones / Black Belt Jones

The Gap Theatre - Wind Gap, PA
The Mahoning is playing the same Disney double feature tonight that they played yesterday, so it became the perfect opportunity to head out to The Gap for a 35mm double feature of blaxploitation classics.

We had tickets to see The Church on their stop at The Colonial Theater for their 2025 North American Tour, but the whole tour has been postponed to 2026.

The first film of the night was the 1973 Jack Starrett film Cleopatra Jones.  The title character, played brilliantly by actress Tamara Dobson, is a badass secret agent who fights to take down international drug cartel, and the corrupt cops who work for them.

This is a fantastic movie.  It's a perfect balance of action and camp with a memorable cast of characters.  Shelly Winters is over the top in all the right ways in her role as the drug lord, Mommy, and Antonio Fargas is equally great as one of her underlings, Doodlebug.  Bernie Casey is also featured in this film as Cleopatra's lover Reuben Masters.  His character is in charge of a place called the B&S House where drug addicts can come to detox and to participate in meetings to ensure that they stay clean.  I'll always know Bernie Casey best as the teacher in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, but I just saw him in a starring role a couple of months ago when Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde was screened as the second feature of Schlock-O-Rama IX at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.

I'd strongly recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys fun action films, regardless of their appreciation for the blaxploitation genre.

The second half of the double feature was the 1974 Robert Clouse film Black Belt Jones.  This movie is classified by the vast majority of fans and critics as blaxploitation because of its largely African American cast, but I think it could better be described as a fantastic American kung-fu film.

The title character is played by kung fu legend Jim Kelly, who is probably best known for his role alongside Bruce Lee in another Robert Clouse film, Enter The Dragon.  In this film, he comes to the defense of a karate dojo run by Pop (Scatman Crothers) when they become a target of the mob who wants to acquire the dojo because they learned that the land is going to skyrocket in value due to an upcoming civic center.

This film has become a cult classic in the decades after its release, and for good reason.  It's one of the most entertaining kung fu flicks that I've ever seen.  I'm not sure if it would have as wide of an appeal to a casual audience as Cleopatra Jones, but if you're a fan of kung fu, Black Belt Jones is a movie that cannot be missed.

And that's a wrap on tonight's double feature at The Gap.  They screened two other blaxploitation films after this one with Tough at 10:00 pm and Hangup at midnight.  They showed the trailer for Tough before Cleopatra Jones, and it looked more like an ABC Afterschool Special than a movie that I'd have any interest in seeing.  If they showed Hangup at 10:00 instead, I would have stayed, but I headed out after Black Belt Jones.

Opening The Vault Again

Walt's Animation Vault II: Beauty And The Beast / The Lion King
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

August at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater kicked off with a double feature of Disney animated classics from the 90's.

The first movie of the night was the 1991 film Beauty And The Beast.  This was my first time seeing it, and while it's not the kind of thing that I'd ever pick off of a shelf to watch at home, I'm glad that I had the opportunity to see it on 35mm at the drive-in.  It's a cute story and I can see why it was such a massive success.

The second film of the night was Disney's 1994 blockbuster The Lion King.  This movie is a blatant plagiarism of Kimba The White Lion, but that's nothing new for an animation studio that has been seemingly bankrupt of original ideas since it put itself on the map by adapting Grimms' Fairy Tales to the big screen.  Don't get me wrong, it's a very good plagiarism with an excellent soundtrack, but it is what it is.

All snark aside, The Lion King is a fun movie.  It premiered in theaters a few weeks shy of my 14th birthday.  I didn't see it on the big screen back then.  In fact, I don't remember when I saw it for the first time.  I never owned the VHS and I can't remember seeing it while visiting friends or family, but I know that I saw it when I was a teenager and I enjoyed it.

For the second straight weekend, we had clear skies for a movie that has a scene that takes place under the night sky.  I love when this happens.  For just a brief moment, it looks as if the movie has extended beyond the screen.

The Italian Master Of Terror

Quattro Film Di Dario Argento
Suspiria / Inferno / Phenomena / Opera

The Gap Theatre - Wind Gap, PA

There's no filmmaker that I'm more interested in studying than Dario Argento.  Every film of his that I've had the opportunity to see has absolutely fascinated me.  I can't claim that I understood all of them as fully as a more experienced giallo fan, but every film of his that I've seen has made me want to see it again.  This quadruple feature was an opportunity to do just that.

Photo by Sergio Valentino

Rosalie Kicks and Benjamin Leonard from Movie Jawn were on hand to sell merch and copies of their excellent zine.  If you haven't read their work yet, I highly recommend it.  Check out their interview with Harry Guerro, the co-founder of Exhumed Films and head dude in charge of The Gap.

Photo by John Wheatman

The front row crew at the Mahoning has become the back row crew at The Gap.  I was joined in this screening by John, Dave, and Mike in the back row of the theater.

Photos by Sergio Valentino

It's a little difficult to see, but that back row against the wall in between the two exits is one of the premium spots at The Gap.  The seats seem to be a bit cushier than the rows in front, and there's a ton of leg room.

 

Photo by Sergio Valentino

Photo by Sergio Valentino

The night kicked off with the 1977 film and the first film of Argento's Three Mothers Trilogy, Suspiria.  I saw this movie for the first time three years ago at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  It's a stunning film that overwhelmed my senses like nothing else that I had ever seen before.  For as much as I enjoyed it the first time that I saw it, I was able to understand and appreciate it on a deeper level on this second occasion.

Photo by Sergio Valentino

Next up was the second of The Three Mothers Trilogy; the 1980 film Inferno.  This is another movie that I saw for the first time three years ago at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  I had less trouble keeping up with the plot last night than I did on the first occasion that I saw it, but it was still challenging.  It was my least favorite movie of the four that we got to see last night, but it's definitely worth seeing.

Photo by Sergio Valentino

The third film of the night was the 1980 giallo classic, Phenomena.  This was my first time seeing this film in its original, uncut form.  I had seen the American cut (Creepers) when it was screened on 35mm during Mondo Argento at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  Although I loved Creepers, I learned from other folks on the lot that it was butchered by its American distributors who cut the film down from 116 minutes to 83 minutes and changed the order of several scenes.

The 35mm print of Phenomena that we saw at Quattro Film Di Dario Argento was the full 116 minute uncut film in Italian.  Harry told us during the third intermission that the film that we just watched is a few seconds longer than the uncut version that had been released on Bluray.  The print didn't have subtitles, but the team at The Gap synced up a separate projector to add the subtitles to the film.  The end result was flawless.  I never would have known that the 35mm print didn't have the subtitles if they didn't tell us.

For as much as I enjoyed Creepers, Phenomena was on another level.  This film is a masterpiece, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have had the opportunity to see it on 35mm.

Photo by Sergio Valentino

The last movie of the night was the 1987 film Opera.  This was the last movie screened at Mondo Argento in 2022, but both my wife and I were pretty tired and we left the drive-in during the second intermission, so last night was my first time seeing it.  It's an excellent murder mystery film that I'd recommend to anyone who likes that sort of thing, but be prepared to be disturbed.

Photo by Sergio Valentino

And that's a wrap on Quattro Film Di Dario Argento at The Gap Theatre.  I apologize for the lackluster writeups on the films.  I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not nearly as good of a writer as my loved ones have led me to believe, and that is never more evident than when it comes to writing about movies that I've seen.  I can't really explain why I like the movies that I like, and I get frustrated when the thoughts I want to express just aren't coming together.

Welcome To Tromaville

Troma Thon '25
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

Show poster designed by Marco Mazzoni

Friday night was the first night of Troma Thon 2025.  It's been a few years since I've last been to a Troma event at the Mahoning.  I respect Troma for their independent spirit and their fierce defense of freedom of speech in the arts, and I'm a fan of The Toxic Avenger, Tromeo & Juliet, Class Of Nuke 'Em High, and Sgt. Kabukiman, but the sense of humor in the other Troma films that I've seen doesn't land with me the way that it does with many others.  It's typically a pretty busy weekend at the drive-in, so I offered to come down and help out on the lot crew.

 

There was a stage set up with live music and about a dozen different vendors set up outside the concession building, and a demo set up for Retroware's Toxic Crusaders game, which is set to be released on Switch, Playstation, Xbox, and Steam in the very near future.

 

There was also a very cool photo op on the stage outside of the concession building that I helped set up on the last day of VHS Fest with JT, Steve, Wes, Donovan, and Alex.  The astroturf was a hell of a lot heavier than I thought it was going to be.  If Alex wasn't there, I think the rest of us would still be trying to roll that damn thing out!

This is what the photo op stage looked like when it was finished.  The woman standing to the right of The Toxic Avenger (JT) is Pat Swinney Kaufman.  She is the executive director of the New York State Governor's Office for Motion Picture and Television Development and the deputy commissioner of Empire State Development (and Lloyd's wife).  She was lovingly referred to by everyone on the lot as "The Commish".  To the right of her is lot crew manager Dave Wert, who is a hell of a nice man and who busts his ass making sure things on the lot run smoothly, and next to him is director and Troma co-founder Lloyd Kaufman.

I meant to get a photo on the stage, but time got away from me.  Lloyd, Pat, and JT stayed until well past midnight to meet fans, sign autographs, and even participate in full skits that were videotaped by some of the Troma fans in attendance.  I still ended up taking a nice photo with Lloyd Kaufman, and it's a memory that I'll never forget.

I was hanging out by the concession building during intermission talking with Mark and Nancy when JT came over to me and asked if I had room in my car.  I figured that he probably wanted help with moving some props or something like that, but instead he asked if I could drive Lloyd and Pat Kaufman back to their hotel.  I've lived in the area for most of my life and I'm familiar with the hotel that they were staying at, and... I got to hang out with the dude who created and directed The Toxic Avenger!

I was a little nervous at first so I kept pointing out restaurants as we passed them to let them know a few places in the area that had good food.  I hope they had a chance to stop at The Beacon.  It's one of the last vintage diners in the area, and they make some pretty darn good eats!

Lloyd and Pat were both incredibly kind.  I was debating in my mind throughout the drive of whether or not I should ask if I could take a picture or if that would be annoying to a guy who had a very long day and needed to get some shut eye to get ready for another long day on Saturday.  When we got to his hotel, I sort of said "to hell with it" and asked him if it would be alright, and he could not have possibly been more gracious.

He also gave me this awesome first issue of the new Toxic Avenger comic (with a trading card) as a present for bringing them back to the hotel, which was incredibly nice of him.  I'm proud to add this to my comic collection, and I'll always remember that it was given to me by the man who created Toxie.

I didn't get a photo of the title cards, but I did get to watch most of Surf Nazis Must Die from the front gate, and Rabid Grannies from my car after I got back from dropping Lloyd and Pat off at their hotel.  I had seen both of them before.  I saw Surf Nazis for the first time when I rented it on VHS from Hollywood Video when I was a teenager, and Rabid Grannies was one of the first movies that I ever saw at the Mahoning when it was screened at VHS Fest 5 in 2021.  I missed Rise Of The Super Tromettes, which was the second movie of the night, so I'll have to circle back and catch it at home.

I would have gone back tonight for the second night of Troma Thon 2025, but I have tickets for a marathon of Dario Argento films at The Gap, which I'll write about later.  I'll definitely make it back to Troma Thon 2026 though.  Maybe I'll get that photo printed and ask Lloyd if he wouldn't mind signing it.

You Are Who You Choose To Be

The Iron Giant
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

Show poster designed by Tom Bifulco

I Am Thinking Of Your Voice

Tom's Diner remix
D.N.A. featuring Suzanne Vega (1990)
A remix track of one of the most fascinating songs of the 1980's was released 35 years ago today.

The diner in the song where Suzanne Vega has her morning coffee is Tom's Restaurant on the corner of Broadway and West 112th Street in New York City.  This is a location that will be instantly familiar to Seinfeld fans as it was the filming location for all of the exterior shots at Monk's Cafe in the series.

Years before Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer turned this establishment into their regular meeting place, a 22 year old Suzanne Vega found herself at the restaurant on the morning of November 18th, 1981 imagining life from the point of view of her friend Brian Rose.  He's a photographer who once told the singer that he saw his life through a pane of glass and that made him feel like he was able to witness many things without ever being involved in them.  She was inspired to put pen to paper and write how Brian would perceive the moment that she found herself in at the restaurant at that moment.

New York Post  (November 18, 1981)

The song's lyrics have led to fans being able to pinpoint the date when Suzanne wrote down her observations that would become Tom's Diner.  About two thirds of the way through the song, she sings 

I open up the paper

There's a story of an actor

Who had died while he was drinking

It was no one I had heard of

And I'm turning to the horoscope

And looking for the funnies

When I'm feeling someone watching me

And so I raise my head

In the years since, Suzanne has confirmed that the actor in question was William Holden.  The man who in 1953 won the Academy Award for Best Actor had been drinking in his apartment when he slipped on a throw rug and fell into the sharp corner of a nightstand that was next to his bed.  The corner reports state that he passed away on November 12th, but his body wasn't discovered until the 16'th, and the New York Post cover story wouldn't be published until November 18th.

New York Post  (November 18, 1981)

The line in the song where Suzanne mentions that she turned to the horoscope while looking for the funnies was the key in fans narrowing down the paper that she was reading.  At the time, there were only two newspapers in the city which had a weekday comics section, and the New York Post was the one out of those which had the story of William Holden's death on the cover.

Suzanne finished writing and recording the song as an a capella track the following year.  It was first released in the January 1984 edition of Fast Folk Musical Magazine, which was a combination of a print magazine with a vinyl record album that was published monthly.  It would receive a much wider release three years later when it was included on her second studio album, Solitude Standing, which was released on April 1st, 1987.

Tom's Diner

Suzanne Vega (1987)

I am sitting in the morning

At the diner on the corner

I am waiting at the counter

For the man to pour the coffee

And he fills it only halfway

And before I even argue

He is looking out the window

At somebody coming in

"It is always nice to see you"

Says the man behind the counter

To the woman who has come in

She is shaking her umbrella

And I look the other way

As they are kissing their hellos

And I'm pretending not to see them

And instead I pour the milk

I open up the paper

There's a story of an actor

Who had died while he was drinking

It was no one I had heard of

And I'm turning to the horoscope

And looking for the funnies

When I'm feeling someone watching me

And so I raise my head

There's a woman on the outside

Looking inside, does she see me?

No, she does not really see me

'Cause she sees her own reflection

And I'm trying not to notice

That she's hitching up her skirt

And while she's straightening her stockings

Her hair has gotten wet

Oh, this rain, it will continue

Through the morning as I'm listening

To the bells of the cathedral

I am thinking of your voice

And of the midnight picnic once upon a time

Before the rain began...

And I finish up my coffee

And it's time to catch the train

The original Tom's Diner wasn't released as a single in the United States and it didn't chart very high in Europe, but it received a second life in 1990 when Nick Batt and Neal Slateford remixed Suzanne's vocals with a dance beat taken from the 1989 song Keep On Movin' by Soul II Soul.  Under the name DNA, the duo released their remix without the permission of the artist, her record label, or the publisher of the song, but Suzanne liked the interpretation and a deal was struck for it to be released by A&M Records.  It would go on to become an unexpected hit, reaching #1 in Austria, Germany, Greece, and Switzerland and peaking at #2 on the UK Singles Chart and #5 on the US Billboard Hot 100.  The remix was also one of the few songs to reach the Top 10 in both Billboard's Modern Rock Tracks and Hot R&B Singles charts.

Tom's Diner remix

D.N.A. featuring Suzanne Vega

I am sitting in the morning

At the diner on the corner

I am waiting at the counter

For the man to pour the coffee

And he fills it only halfway

And before I even argue

He is looking out the window

At somebody coming in

"It is always nice to see you"

Says the man behind the counter

To the woman who has come in

She is shaking her umbrella

And I look the other way

As they are kissing their hellos

And I'm pretending not to see them

And instead I pour the milk

I open up the paper

There's a story of an actor

Who had died while he was drinking

It was no one I had heard of

And I'm turning to the horoscope

And looking for the funnies

When I'm feeling someone watching me

And so I raise my head

There's a woman on the outside

Looking inside, does she see me?

No, she does not really see me

'Cause she sees her own reflection

And I'm trying not to notice

That she's hitching up her skirt

And while she's straightening her stockings

Her hair has gotten wet

Oh, this rain, it will continue

Through the morning as I'm listening

To the bells of the cathedral

I am thinking of your voice

 

photo credit: Richard Perry (New York Times)

In 2008, Suzanne Vega wrote an incredible essay about Tom's Diner that was published in The New York Times that I highly recommend.  Click here to read it.

VHS Fest 9 Rewind

VHS Fest 9

Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

Show Poster designed by Hayden Hall

The ninth annual VHS Fest at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater was an event that I'll never forget.  It was three nights of horror flicks from the days when we'd bring home a pile of tapes from a video rental shop with only the box art and the description on the back to let us know what we were getting ourselves into.  The event was hosted by Joe Pickett and Nick Prueher of the Found Footage Festival, with special guests Charles Pinion (director of Twisted Issues) and Frank Henenlotter (director of Basket Case, Brain Damage, and Frankenhooker) in attendance to meet fans, sign autographs, and take pictures.

 

Wes and Sara made a massive VHS tape that was introduced on the lot a few weeks back.  It has a whiteboard label and customizable stickers and skins that make it work for any event, but it is absolutely perfect for VHS Fest.  They also decorated the lot around the giant tape with a Mahoningbuster Video theme.

 

Speaking of Wes, VHS Fest 9 was our debut on the Mahoning Lot Crew.  It was hot as hell, especially on Friday, but we made a great team and it was a lot of fun.  There were more tickets sold to this event than any other for the 2025 season and fitting every car on the lot was a challenge, but I think we did pretty well considering that it was the first time for both of us.

Everyone on the regular Mahoning staff was incredibly kind and gracious, especially Virgil, Mark, Dave, and Sandy, the latter of whom gave Wes and I nice gift bags with a VHS Fest 9 t-shirt.

We also helped JT set up the photo op stage for Troma Thon, which is next weekend.  The hardest part of this was rolling out the astroturf, cutting it to size, and putting it in place.  My first clue of how difficult this was going to be was the fact that the roll of turf was delivered by a forklift that was being towed by a truck.  My next clue was the fact that the man who delivered it got the hell out of dodge before we could ask for his help.  It was heavy as hell and loaded with dirt from whichever field it was taken from, and it took five of us to roll it out.  Thankfully for the rest of us, one of those five was Alex (center of photo).  Let's just say that if I do the Camp Blood tug-of-war again this year, I want that dude on our team.

The other part of setting up the Troma Thon photo op was hanging up the backdrop.  This meant climbing on the roof of the concession building to take down the tarp and slide the top of the backdrop into place.  The view is very cool!  I'd love to watch a movie from up here one of these nights.

Dave told me the story of how this slice of pizza ended up in a tree by the front gate.  I don't remember all of the details, but I do know that someone accidentally dropped a slice that landed face down in the dirt, and someone else decided to toss it into the bushes for the birds to eat, and it got hung up here.  I wonder how many people pulling into the lot noticed it.

 

I got to meet directors Charles Pinion (center) and Frank Henenlotter (right) a few times throughout the weekend, both of whom were incredibly cool.

Frank Henenlotter signed the cover of my Basket Case VHS tape.

 

Charles Pinion and David Peck, who did the special effects for Twisted Issues and appeared in the film as "bad guy #4" signed the VHS copy of the film that I bought at VHS Fest.

As always, the lot is loaded with vendors for VHS Fest.  I didn't get as much time to check out all of the tables as I did last year, but I still came home with quite a few awesome finds.  I'm still a bit jealous of Virgil for the Airheads poster that he scored!

My holy grail for the weekend was an original release VHS of the 1981 slasher My Bloody Valentine.  George Mihalka, who directed the film, will be in attendance later this year for Camp Blood, and I'd love to have him sign it to add to my collection.  I found it and paid more than I wanted to for it, but I'm very glad to have it.  The other highlight pickups of the weekend was a VHS copy of Gate II, which I was introduced to at the first AGFA Triple Ripper, and The Corpse Grinders, which I saw for the first time at Schlock-O-Rama VIII.  Carl gave me that tape as a gift for helping him set up and break down his vendor table.  I tried to pay him for it, but he wouldn't take it.  He's a good dude.

I also picked up a tape called The Torment Of Ashley Williams from Transcendence Tapes Unlimited.  This is a fan edit of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead II, and Army Of Darkness which has been cut together to make a single 3 hour film.

Last, but not least, I picked up Volume 9 and 10 of The Found Footage Festival on DVD to complete the set that I started last year.

 

Night One - Friday, July 11

Basket Case / Twisted Issues / Flesh Eating Mothers

  

Night Two - Saturday, July 12

Brain Damage / Flesh Eaters From Outer Space / Psychos In Love

 

Night Three - Sunday, July 13

Sleepaway Camp II / Sleepaway Camp III

I'll write more about each of the movies from VHS Fest 9 later.  I'm a little burned out at the moment.

 

And with this weekend in the books, we are officially halfway through the 2025 season at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  Onto the second half of the season!