There's A Trap Door In The Sun

Vitalogy
Pearl Jam (1994)
The third studio album from the last band standing from the 90's Seattle grunge scene turned thirty years old this weekend.

The album's name was inspired by a home health encyclopedia that Eddie Vedder found at a yard sale.  It was first published in 1899 and contained descriptions and illustrations of old fashioned practices and outdated medical information.  Vedder brought the book to the studio to show it to the rest of the band, at which point bassist Jeff Ament came up with the idea to design the packaging of their upcoming album to resemble the book.

Instead of being sold in a plastic jewel case, Vitalogy was produced in a thick cardboard book with the liner notes which include text and images from the Vitalogy book attached to the front cover so that the case opened like a miniature book.

As cool as this is, there's two things about this packaging that drove the 14 year old me crazy when I picked up this album.  First and foremost, the disc was kept in a tight paper sleeve that was attached to the inside back cover of the case.  I was a bit obsessive compulsive when it came to handling my my CDs and keeping it in this sleeve increased the chances of scratching the disc when you take it out or put it back in the case.

In addition to the cardboard sleeve, the packaging had different dimensions from a standard jewel case.  I kept all of my CDs in this plastic case when I was a teenager.  It sat on top of my dresser and had individual slots that made it impossible to keep Vitalogy in with the rest of my music.  I tried to let it slide, but my OCD got the better of me and I ended up cutting the packaging apart so that I could put the front cover, the back cover, and the spine into a regular plastic jewel case.  In retrospect, I wish I hadn't done that, but it made sense to me at the time.  Can you spot it?

While the packaging didn't win me over right off the bat, the music absolutely did.  Vitalogy has some of my favorite songs from Pearl Jam's catalog, including Last Exit, Not For You, Nothingman, Corduroy, Satan's Bed, Better Man, and the bizarre experimental track Hey Foxymophandlemama That's Me, but my favorite song is the second to last track on the album.

The meaning of Immortality has been debated since it was released.  It has been argued that the song was written as an homage to Kurt Cobain, citing several lines that seem to directly reference the Nirvana front man on the album and the live version that Pearl Jam performed in Boston six days after Cobain's body was discovered.  Eddie Vedder has denied that the song is directly about Cobain, but conceded that "there might be some things in the lyrics that you could read into and maybe will answer some questions or help you understand the pressures on someone who is on a parallel train".

It's absolutely fair to say that Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain were parallel trains in the early 90's.  That's not to say that they're similar personalities, but they both went from relative obscurity to fronting arguably the two biggest bands in the world in 1991, and they both struggled with their mental health as a result of this sudden fame.  The triggering event is obviously something that I have no way to relate to, but the song spoke to me as a teenager who felt alienated in every environment, and it continues to speak to me today.

The most fascinating thing to me when I look back on this song today is the evolution from the original lyrics to the final version that was recorded on the album.  The original comes across to me as a cry for help while the lyrics on the album are draped in symbolism and put distance between the singer and the subject.  Is this a sign that he's worked through his struggles and found a way to overcome them, or is it an attempt to mask these feelings, or was it just an artistic choice?  Listen to both and judge for yourself.

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Immortality

Live at the Orpheum Theater in Boston

Pearl Jam (April 12, 1994)

I could take the sun

I could call the couple if I want

I won't tell the comfort in the world

I can't take it off

I won't say "enough, it's not my fault"

I won't care there's something in the way

Take me as I am

I don't need this

I'll die just to live

Immortality

I could paint the moon

I could reflect light into a room

If I could, the fortune of the glare

I could paint it all

I won't say "enough, it's not my fault"

I won't call the altar in the air

Take me as is

I don't need this

I die just to live

Immortality

I can't take a walk

I won't fight this world

I won't save it all

It is not my fault

Take me as is

I don't need this

I'll die just to live

I won't stay long

I'll be long gone

I die just to live

Immortality

Album version
Pearl Jam (1994)

Vacate is the word

Vengeance has no place so near to her

Cannot find the comfort in this world

Artificial tear

Vessel stabbed, next up, volunteers?

Vulnerable, wisdom can't adhere

A truant finds home

And a wish to hold on

But there's a trapdoor in the sun

Immortality

As privileged as a whore

Victims in demand for public show

Swept out through the cracks beneath the door

Holier than thou, how?

Surrendered, executed anyhow

Scrawl dissolved, cigar box on the floor

A truant finds home

And a wish to hold on to

But saw the trapdoor in the sun

Immortality

I cannot stop the thought

Of running in the dark

Coming up a which way sign

All good truants must decide

Oh, stripped and sold mom

An auctioned forearm

And whiskers in the sink

Truants move on

Cannot stay long

Some die just to live