Cheetos Cheesy Jalapeno Mac N Cheese
Golden Grain Company (2022)
It's just as well that the deadline to enter the Cheetos Swag contest had passed before I got around to making myself a bowl. When I bought these, my wife warned that if I won the hoodie pictured on the back of the box that it would not be allowed it in the house. I can't imagine why. Take a closer look at this glorious bastard!
How could anyone not like this beauty? It's perfect for weddings, funerals, job interviews, hell the possibilities are endless! It has a front pocket that you can stuff Cheetos into before sneaking up behind friends and relatives to whisper "it ain't easy bein' cheesy" directly into their ear before loudly crunching on a handful of the puffed cheese snacks. You could even wipe your hands off right down your torso and no one would ever notice. The only thing it's missing is cheetah ears on the hood, but that could always be rectified.
Each box comes with one genuine pouch of Chester's Secret Seasoning. If I were in elementary school, I know that I'd be harvesting these from every box in the cupboard and using them to barter. I don't know if kids still do this today, but in the late 80's and early 90's, we turned the weirdest stuff into a form of currency. I'm pretty sure one kid was selling the golden eggs that came in boxes of Mrs. Grass soup by the swings. For all I know, he's still there.