Dunkaroos Sugar Cookie Dough
Betty Crocker (2021)
Sweet baby Jesus on a bicycle! Within the past few years, they've brought back Crystal Pepsi, Ecto Cooler, Purplesaurus Rex, The Chipwich, a virtual clone of the Alpine White, and every damn thing you can think of made in a limited edition Pumpkin Spice flavor. Now, they've not only brought back Dunkaroos, but they've turned them into a refrigerated dough with packets of icing. If Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pies make a comeback, I'm getting a CAT Scan to find the listening device that the consumer packaged goods industry must have implanted in my brain.
If I had any artistic talent at all, I would have drawn a picture of the lead singer of Nirvana dressed in jelly shoes and a track suit with a pager on his hip, which is what I envisioned when I read this. Incidentally, I totally had a beeper when I was a high school freshman in the mid 90's. It didn't have service, and I used to turn it off and on in my pocket so people thought I was getting paged. Needless to say, I was not elected prom king, but at least I didn't wear a track suit.
The package contains six little hockey puck cookies and two packs of frosting in a metallic package with the helpful advice to not microwave it. There are two ways to prepare these. You can either bake six big cookies or two dozen mini cookies.
Let's see. To make 24 mini cookies, cut each cookie round into quarters and roll into balls. Hmmm... I don't like the sound of that. It sounds painful, and nobody wants cookie stains in their boxer shorts. Besides, what's with the extra step. What do I look like, Emeril Lagasse? Six big cookies it is.
On the left is one of the six big cookies that were baked from this package, and the frosting from one of two packets that were included. Let me assure you, it's a much more generous amount of frosting that it appears to be in this photo. I was dunk-a-rooing the hell out of these and still had leftover frosting after all of the cookies were eaten.
As far as them being "big" cookies, keep in mind that the size is in comparison to the mini Dunkaroos cookies that you get in the little snack packs. Each one was about the circumference of seven regular Dunkaroos, and as thick as two stacked on top of one another.
Back in the 90's, if you had told the teenage me that as a 40 year old man, he would be sheltered at home to avoid a global pandemic while domestic terrorists lay siege to our Capitol, and that he would be spending this time taking pictures of big Dunkaroos next to little Dunkaroos to give an accurate Dunkaroo size comparison to total strangers, I think he'd be alright with it. I mean, how bad could it really be if I still have Dunkaroos?