Refusing To Die

Sisu
Regal Cinema - Hazleton, PA

Our third Mystery Movie was by far my favorite one yet.  No disrespect intended to Paint or Mafia Mamma, but Sisu is on another level.  What I'm about to say is an oversimplification of the story that's being told here, but if I had to sum up this movie in 30 seconds or less, I'd say the following:  Sisu is what you'd get if you wanted to turn Rambo into a World War II film with The Undertaker character in Stallone's role.

I'm expecting that a lot of reviews for this film are going to compare it to Inglourious Basterds, but aside from the fact that it involves brutally killing Nazi's during the second World War, the two films share almost nothing in common.  The action scenes are something that I'm sure Tarantino would appreciate, but the dialogue is very different from his style.  In fact, there's very little dialogue at all, and the vast majority of it comes from the Nazi's who are all speaking English throughout the film.  I think that was the right choice.  It's not that I mind subtitles, but they do draw your eyes away from the scene, which is not something you want for a movie like this.  It's much easier to just suspend disbelief for a little while instead of presenting the entire film in German.  At the risk of spoiling part of the movie, I appreciate the way that the dog was used to connect the audience to the main character, and to keep them feeling anxious about the dog's safety throughout the story.

This movie isn't for everyone, but it most definitely is for me.

People Were Always Rotten, But The World Was Beautiful

Soylent Green
MGM (1973)
The sci-fi classic that shows the future of human civilization in the far off year of 2022 is turning 50 years old today.  Soylent Green is one of my favorite movies of all time, and while the future that it envisioned didn't come to pass last year, I still believe that this is the most accurate that any work of fiction has ever come to predicting the destiny of the human race.

You Can't Just Say Perchance

The recent release of The Super Mario Bros Movie has inspired Phil Jamesson's paper from last February to once again go viral.  It may not have gotten a passing grade, but I have a hunch that my philosophy professor still would have referred to this as a "good stick".

Here is the original Tweet from February 18th of last year.

Brother Seamus... Like An Irish Monk?

The Big Lebowski
Cinemark - Moosic, PA

Two months ago, we saw a Fathom Events screening of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.  Last night, they screened another one of my top four on Letterboxd in celebration of its 25th anniversary.  It's my favorite comedy flick of all time, and its gone on to become a cult classic in the years since it was released and even spawned its own religion.

I got to see The Big Lebowski last summer during Tunnel Vision Tuesday at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  Would I go see it on the big screen again less than a year later?  Does the pope shit in the woods?

Prior to the start of the film, they showed a series of facts and trivia questions about the movie.  There was also a filmed introduction by Leonard Maltin, who admitted that he wasn't a huge fan of The Big Lebowski the first time that he saw it, but it's the kind of movie that practically begs you for repeated viewings, and it just pulls you in deeper and deeper every time that you see it.  He's not wrong.  Even if you don't really get what makes this movie special on your first viewing, you will in time, and if you loved it the very first time you saw it, you'll love it even more each time afterward.  I can't explain why this is true, but it is.

 

I'll go see The Big Lebowski every time that its screening within a reasonable distance.  It's a movie that I will absolutely never get sick of.  Hell, if anybody ever reads this after I drop dead, just go ahead and put my cremated ashes in a Folgers can and bring me to see it one last time.  Just be sure not to open the can in a heavy wind.

Thank you, Wiccan Tumblr

Renfield
Regal Cinema - Hazleton, PA

We saw the trailer for Renfield pretty much every time that we've been to the theater over the past few months.  When we saw it for the first time, my immediate reaction was: Nicolas Cage as Dracula?  Sign me up!  My hopes grew higher with each subsequent time that I saw the trailer, but my expectations were lower.  I was concerned that this might end up being a parody of a horror flick.  Parodies can be incredible when they're done well (Mel Brooks, Weird Al Yankovic), but they're the laziest and most boring forms of comedy when they're done poorly (virtually everyone else except Brooks and Yankovic).

I'm very happy to say that Renfield is not a horror parody.  It's a black comedy that tells the story of Renfield and his master in the modern world, and it's one hell of a fun movie.  It reminded me a little bit of Mafia Mamma for the fact that both movies are loaded with gore, but it's almost always played for laughs.  Nicholas Hoult (The Menu) was brilliant as the titular character, and I enjoyed Awkwafina's performance as well, but the real star of the show here is Nicolas Cage who is at his absolute Nicolas Cagieness.  He walks the tightrope of being completely over-the-top while still being respectful of the Dracula character, and he does so with the skill of a master.  This movie is definitely worth seeing!

Just A Steel Town Girl On A Saturday Night

Flashdance
Paramount Pictures (1983)
Some movies are better known for their soundtrack than for the movie itself.  Flashdance, which was released 40 years ago today, is at the top of that list.  Just about everybody who was alive in the 20th century has heard Irene Cara belt out What A Feeling and Michael Sembello's hit single Maniac, but I'd be willing to bet that fewer than half of those people could identify the movie that it was made for, and an even smaller number of people could describe the plot of the film with anything more detailed than "female welder who is an aspiring dancer".

This movie was torn to shreds by the critics at the time, but it went on to become the third highest grossing film of 1983.  Still, it doesn't seem to be held in the same regard today as many of the other hit films of the early to mid 80's.  I'm not going to say that it's my all-time favorite or anything, but it's definitely worth watching.

Big Bird Approved

Yellow Bird Nacho Fries
Taco Bell (2023)
I've never heard of Yellow Bird Habanero Hot Sauce before, but I'm going to have to seek it out because these nacho fries were pretty great!

Seriously, this may be the best fast food french fries I've ever eaten.  With or without the added meat, this is very filling and absolutely delicious, and the sauce was exactly the right combination of flavor and heat.  I might have to try making something like this at home.

Come To Brooklyn. I'll Buy You A Turtle.

The Super Mario Bros Movie
Regal Cinema - Hazleton, PA

After the Sonic The Hedgehog movies hit big at the box office, it became only a matter of time before his Nintendo counterparts hit the big screen.  The difference is that Mario and Luigi had been there before, and it didn't go too well.

The first Super Mario Bros premiered 30 years ago on May 28, 1993 and it was an absolute train wreck of a film.  With the release of the new movie, I've seen a lot of articles pop up to defend the original 1993 film by saying that it was meant for children, or that it's not really as bad as people say it is.  Well, I'm here to tell you that this movie was released when I was 12 years old, and I thought it was terrible back then, and I still think it's terrible today.  Watching it in 2023 is a fun experience because it's one of those movies that's so cheezy and weird that it falls into the category of "so bad, it's good".  Hell, it could be the poster child for that category.  If the claim were to be made that this was written by a middle-aged man in a single evening while he was blitzed on cocaine and watching his nephew play Nintendo, I would believe it without question.

The new Super Mario Bros Movie is a much more thoughtful attempt to bring the video game to the big screen.  It's being torn apart by the critics in the same way that its 1993 predecessor was upon its release, but their criticism is undeserved this time around.  It's not the kind of family film that's likely to win awards.  It doesn't have a deep plot or any impactful social commentary, and while the animation is stunning, I wouldn't say that its going to be appreciated for its artistic value, but none of those things mean that this is a bad movie.  It's just a fun adventure that stays true to the source material and is stuffed to the gills with enough Easter Eggs to bring a smile to any gamers face.  Anybody under the age of 50 or with even the faintest of knowledge about the Mario Bros will find a lot to enjoy about this movie, but the more familiar you are with the games, the more fun you're going to have. 

Easter Pie

There were a lot of different foods that my grandmother was known for during her life.  Some of them were dinners that she would make several times a month.  Some of them are things that most American families have, such as macaroni & cheese, spaghetti, lasagna, and stuffed peppers.  Others are things that I've only ever had at my grandparents house, such as Missouri, which was a ground meat and potato stew with a tomato base, and a casserole that was made from hamburger, croutons and peppers that I'm not sure even had a name.

My grandmother passed away in 2012.  I inherited her boxes of recipe cards, but the majority of the written recipes are for desserts and things that she only made once or twice a year for the holidays.  She didn't write down the recipe for the dinners that she would make throughout the year, so these meals are probably gone forever.  That may come across as overly dramatic, but the way that my grandmother cooked made even the most ordinary-sounding meal into something truly special.  Take her macaroni & cheese, for example.  Macaroni & cheese is kind of thing that even a child can make, but my grandmother made it in a way that was completely unlike any other macaroni & cheese that I've ever had.  It's not slightly different or tweaked in some cute way... it's an entirely separate beast.  Comparing her macaroni & cheese to any other kind that I've ever had is like comparing a Delmonico Steak to a Slim Jim.

Thankfully, one of the recipes that did survive was her Easter Pie.

If you've never heard of Easter Pie before, the first thing you should know is that it's not a dessert.  It's a very thick pie made with eggs, sausage, ham and cheese.  We typically had my grandmother's Easter Pie hot on Easter Sunday, but we almost always ate the leftovers cold.  It's very good either way, but I prefer to have it cold or room temperature.

Below are two of my grandmother's recipe cards for her Easter Pie (click on each to enlarge):

Recipe 1 (front and back)

Recipe 2 (front and back)

They're not the easiest things in the world to read, so my wife re-wrote the recipe in a way that is a lot easier to follow.  She uses a store-bought crust instead of making her own pie crust, but it tastes exactly the same as my memory of my grandmother's Easter Pie.

I Thought Dracula Didn't Cast A Reflection

I'm suddenly very interested in seeing Castlevania turned into a feature length film, starring Harrison Ford as Simon Belmont and Nicolas Cage as Dracula.

Renfield premiers in theaters tomorrow, and Indiana Jones & The Dial Of Destiny coming in two and a half months on June 30th.

There Is No Escape

The Tacoma News Tribune
April 11, 1953
You've got to hand it to Mark R. Sullivan.  The president of Pacific Bell was spot-on with the predictions he made about the telephone industry in 1953.  This article from the Associated Press was published in newspapers across the country 70 years ago today.

The Puzzle Game That Started It All

Tetris
Elektronika 60 (1984)

I haven't had the opportunity to watch the new Tetris movie yet, but I'm a big fan of the fun things that they've been doing to promote the film.  The original version of Tetris that was created in 1984 by Alexey Pajitnov has been made available to play on Tetris.com.  I'm not sure if this is a permanent addition to the website or if it's only going to be here for a limited time, but it's a very cool piece of gaming history.  Click here to play.

Peep This

Pepsi x Peeps
PepsiCo (2023)

I've always enjoyed it when companies release seasonal or limited edition versions of their products, but there has been a recent trend with these products that really pisses me off.  That trend is when companies come up with something strange, and then make it available only to "influencers" to share on social media, and to a select few consumers who are lucky enough to win a contest after they have sufficiently begged for the product by tweeting, or sharing photos, or by doing whatever other nonsense they come up with for their promotion.

The whole thing is a scam for free advertising.  Companies come up with a bizarre version of their product because they know that the media will report on it and it will go viral on social media.  However, they don't want to take on any of the financial risk of producing and shipping out enough of the product in case it doesn't sell very well.  They just have to make a little bit, and watch the consumers do their work for them.

I'm old school.  If a company makes a product that sounds interesting to me, I'll give them money for it.  If they won't take money for it, I won't waste my time on it, and I won't waste your time by writing about it.

After two years of this product being available only to "influencers" or to the "lucky" winners who do whatever little dance they've asked them to do, PepsiCo has finally decided to grace us with the presence of their Peeps flavored soda on store shelves.  It's pretty good... tastes like a Marshmallow Peep mixed with cola.  It not as tasty as Coca-Cola Move, which is a coconut flavored cola that was shipped out to stores shortly after it was introduced, so if you're only going to get one limited edition soda this spring, make it a Coke.

Happy Easter!

Wouldn't You Like To Be A Peepper Too

Dr. Pepper Marshmallow Peeps
Just Born (2023)

It seems like they're making more flavors of Peeps and products that are Dr. Pepper flavored than ever before so it was only a matter of time before these little soda flavored Easter treats came along.

Well, they definitely taste like Dr. Pepper, and they're not too bad!  I don't know if I'd want to eat them on a regular basis or anything, but they're pretty good as a seasonal springtime treat.

A Crossover That You Can't Refuse

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Paramount Pictures (2023)

I've always liked the idea of Dungeons & Dragons, but I've never had enough friends at the same time who were into this sort of thing to ever play a game.  It's probably for the best because I'm not much of a people-person, but I've always enjoyed entertainment adjacent to the world of the tabletop RPG, including the Saturday morning cartoon series, the movies, and the various types of video games which have been released over the years.

With the exception of the cartoon series, which is present as an Easter Egg in the background of several scenes, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves may be my favorite piece of entertainment that takes place in this universe.  I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough about the source material to know if it sticks close to the game or takes a lot of creative liberties, but I do know that it told a solid story with more than a few laugh-out-loud moments (especially from Hugh Grant and Justice Smith), and I had fun watching it.

Monday Mystery Movie: Mafia Mamma
Bleecker Street (2023)

We had a lot of fun at last month's Monday Mystery Movie, so we decided to go again.  This time, the secret movie was Mafia Mamma, which is scheduled to premier in theaters across the country on April 14th.  It's blends elements of a women's empowerment action film like Ocean 8 or The 355 with romantic comedy and fish-out-of-water plot points set to the backdrop of Calabria, which happens to be the part of Italy that my ancestors came from.

Before you go to see this movie, you should probably set aside any sense of realism that you may be expecting.  This isn't The Godfather or Goodfellas... this is a slapstick romantic comedy.  There's a surprising amount of gore involved, but it's done for laughs, not for drama.  If you can accept this movie for what it is, you'll have a hell of a lot of fun with it.  If you go into it with the attitude of critiquing how accurately it presents the mob or with an axe to grind about Italian stereotypes in films, you're only going to make yourself miserable.  If you're a relaxed person who goes to the movies to have a good time, I think you'll enjoy this film, but if you've got a stick up your ass about something or other, you should probably go see something else.

Seeing these two movies so close together made me wonder what a crossover would look like.  I don't specifically mean a crossover of the characters in these two films, but imagine a movie where a half dozen mobsters from a mafia comedy flick were to find themselves transported into the world of Dungeons & Dragons.  I'd buy a ticket.

Heisenberg The Olympic Hero

Ticket Information Poster
West Palm Beach Expos (1993)
In my research for previous posts on Municipal Stadium and the Expos beloved mascot, Willie P. Bananas, I found this poster for sale on eBay and added it to my collection.  It was used by the West Palm Beach Expos to promote ticket sales for the 1993 season, which was an especially challenging year for the team.  The Florida Marlins played their first season in '93, and it became a lot harder to draw fans to see the old Single A minor league team with a new and exciting Major League expansion team just an hour down the road at Joe Robbie Stadium.

1993 Classic Best - Card #32

This poster features left handed pitcher BJ Wallace, who had autographed it 30 years ago for the person who sold it to me.  He was featured heavily in the team's promotional material that season, and it's easy to understand why.  Wallace was the Montreal Expos first round draft pick and the #3 overall pick of the 1992 MLB Draft.  To put his draft position into perspective, Derek Jeter was taken by the Yankees as the #6 overall pick in the same year.

1992 Topps Traded - Card #126 T

Prior to being drafted, Wallace had put up incredible numbers at Mississippi State University.  He also pitched for Team USA in the 1992 Summer Olympics in Barcelona where he set an Olympic record by striking out 14 batters in a game against Team Italy.

 

1993 Bowman - Card #676

Wallace went on to pitch for the West Palm Beach Expos in 1993 and was promoted to the Harrisburg Senators in 1994, and he had a combined 12-11 record with a 3.64 ERA in his first two years of professional baseball.

top left:  Tampa Tribune  (March 18, 1996)
bottom left:  Miami Herald  (February 15, 1996)
right:  Orlando Sentinel  (June 16, 1996)

Not every top prospect lives up to the promise that the team saw in them on draft day, and that was the case for Wallace.  A rotator cuff injury brought an end to his 1994 season after only eight starts.  He missed the entire 1995 season and was acquired by the Philadelphia Phillies in the Rule 5 Draft prior to the start of the 1996 season.  By this point in his career, the former first round draft pick dropped the initials and began to use the name Billy Wallace.  He spent the 1996 season pitching for the Clearwater Phillies, but was never able to bounce back from his injuries.  He appeared in 15 games for the Phillies Single A team and finished the season with a 3-4 record and a 5.83 ERA.

The Red Sox signed Wallace prior to the 1997 season, but they released him before the end of Spring Training and he retired from the sport without ever reaching the Major Leagues.  That's a pretty hard luck story, but it didn't end there.

I tried to find a photo or a baseball card of BJ Wallace (or Billy Wallace) in a Phillies uniform, but I wasn't able to find one.  While searching for it, I stumbled across a 2011 article from the Press Register that the former pitcher was arrested for operating a meth lab.

This is where the trail grew cold in my research.  I'm not sure what happened as a result of these charges, but all Breaking Bad references aside, I hope the man has gotten through the rough patches and that he's living a good and happy life.  It can't be easy to get that close to your dream only to see it slip away.

The City Of Brotherly Love Is Getting A Little Moist

Shazam: Fury Of The Gods
Regal Cinema - Hazleton, PA

In honor of the Phillies first win of the season, I'd like to take a moment to show a little love to the underdog at the box office that features the home of the underdogs in the NL East.  Like the Phillies so far, this movie has not performed as well as expected and the reviews from both critics and fans have been average at best.  I'm not sure if this is due to comic book movie fatigue, or the fact that it's not part of the MCU and doesn't involve Gotham City, or if the Shazam comics just aren't as popular as some of the others that have been turned into motion pictures, but I don't think it has anything to do with the quality of the movie itself because this was a lot of fun.

The stars of the film do an excellent job of portraying children who are in adult bodies - particularly Zachary Levi as the titular character and Meagan Good as Darla.  These characters' non-Shazamed performers, Asher Angel and Faithe Herman, also did an especially good job.  Djimon Hounsou was excellent as the old, sarcastic wizard, and Marta Milans and Cooper Andrews delivered a wonderful and heartwarming performance as the most loving and supportive foster parents that any kid could ever hope to have.  The only less-than-flattering thing I have to say about any of the performances is that a few of Lucy Liu's lines came across a bit cheesier than intended, but it a nit-picky complaint.

Another reason that I enjoyed Shazam: Fury Of The Gods as much as I did is the fact that it's set in Philadelphia, and some of the biggest scenes in the film take place at Citizens Bank Park.  If you're a Phillies fan, the sight of a dragon in the infield and a battle between good and evil taking place at the ballpark is something that you really are going to want to see on the big screen.

Shazam: Fury Of The Gods isn't going to crack too many people's top ten lists, but it's a very enjoyable comic book flick that doesn't take itself too seriously.  I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anybody

Can You Kick Off All The Pests?

Mario Bros. arcade flyer
Nintendo (1983)
The Super Mario Bros Movie is premiering in theaters across the United States tomorrow, which is approximately 40 years from the release Mario and Luigi's first partnership - the 1983 arcade classic Mario Bros.

This game plays almost nothing like it's more popular sequel Super Mario Bros, which appeared a few years later on the Nintendo Entertainment System.  If you try to jump on an enemy's back in Mario Bros. like you would in Super Mario Bros, you're going to lose one of your lives.  Instead, you have to hit the bad guys from underneath by going to the level below them and jumping up to hit the floor that they're standing on.  The goal is to smack the bad guys until they flip upside down, and then jump up to their level to kick them off the platform while they're still upside down.  However, you only have a couple of seconds to get to them after you've knocked them upside down before they get back up, at which point they will be much faster and harder to hit again.

 

The first version of the original Mario Bros. that I played when I was a kid was the Atari 2600 port, but the arcade game is the one that has stuck with me through the years.  It was made available for download on the Nintendo Switch, and it's one of the games that I find myself playing at least once just about every time that I pick up the console.  As you can see from the top scores in the screenshot above, I'm not very good at it, but I love to play it all the same.

I'm sure that Mario Bros. probably would feel overly simplistic to a kid today who is the same age as I was when I first played this game, but I think it holds up very well after forty years.  Give it a shot and see if you agree.

Bartender, Make Mine A Double

Jim Beam is the official bourbon of the Philadelphia Phillies.  If the opening series is any indication, we're going to need a whole lot of these to get through the season.  The Phillies kicked off 2023 by getting swept by the Texas Rangers and starting the season 0-3 for the first time since 2016.  To make matters worse, they were outscored 29-11, including a Saturday night 16-3 defeat.

Sixty Four

Happy birthday, Dad!

When I'm Sixty-Four

The Beatles (1967)

When I get older losing my hair

Many years from now

Will you still be sending me a Valentine

Birthday greetings bottle of wine

If I'd been out till quarter to three

Would you lock the door

Will you still need me, will you still feed me

When I'm sixty-four

You'll be older too

And if you say the word

I could stay with you

I could be handy, mending a fuse

When your lights have gone

You can knit a sweater by the fireside

Sunday mornings go for a ride

Doing the garden, digging the weeds

Who could ask for more

Will you still need me, will you still feed me

When I'm sixty-four

Every summer we can rent a cottage

In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear

We shall scrimp and save

Grandchildren on your knee

Vera, Chuck and Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line

Stating point of view

Indicate precisely what you mean to say

Yours sincerely, wasting away

Give me your answer, fill in a form

Mine for evermore

Will you still need me, will you still feed me

When I'm sixty-four

What's The Deal?

Enardoe Reverse Color Playing Cards
Edward O. Drane & Company (1940's)
My dad found these playing cards in a box of stuff a few weeks ago.  They seem to be no different from a regular deck of cards, except for the fact that the hearts and diamonds are black and the spades and clubs are red.