Welcome To The Grindhouse

Grindhouse: Planet Terror and Death Proof
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
Since we've starting coming to the Mahoning, I've had kind of a personal rule to not come out to the lot to see the same movies two nights in a row, but all rules are made to be broken.  Friday and Saturday night was dedicated to one of the coolest experiences that I've ever had at a first-run theater in my adult life.  That, combined with the fact that some of my friends could only come out on Friday while others could only make it down on Saturday, led me to just say the hell with it, so I came out on both nights to see the Grindhouse double feature.

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

Poster designed by Hayden Hall

Grindhouse was a co-production of two of the greatest directors of our generation, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino.  The idea was for each director to create an exploitation film that would be shown together in theaters as a double feature.  Rodriguez made a horror movie called Planet Terror, and Tarantino made a road murder thriller called Death Proof.  They also worked with other directors who shot trailers for horror and exploitation films that did not exist (at the time), which would be spliced in to play before in between both halves of the double feature.

The two movies and the collection of trailers was then intentionally damaged and the footage was heavily cut, in some cases with entire missing reels, which resulted in a 191 minute presentation that replicated what it was like to see a double feature at a grindhouse theater in the 70's.

 

We originally saw the Grindhouse double feature on April 12th, 2007 at RC Theaters Movies 14 in Wilkes-Barre (the ticket stub is wrecked from taping it inside a scrapbook, but you can just barely make out the date under the title).  It bombed at the box office, but it was one of the most fun experiences that I've ever had going out to the movies.  I think it would have done better if it was released in October, but I guess that audiences didn't really understand what this was supposed to be 17 years ago.

We also got to see the full Death Proof movie on 35mm at the Mahoning once before when it was screened during Tarantino A-Go-Go: Volume 2, however this is the first time that I've gotten to see the theatrical cut of Death Proof, or the complete theatrical presentation of the Grindhouse double feature, in over 17 years.

There have been a few awesome vehicles at the Mahoning in the years that we've been going, including screen-accurate replicas of Ecto-1 and the Batmobile, but this is the first time that I've been able to see the actual vehicle that was used in the movie itself.

Matt Delbaugh found and restored the actual car that was used in the filming of Death Proof.  Just to be clear, I don't mean that he has a car that's the same make and model as the one in the movie, and that he made it look like it did on the screen.  I mean that he owns the exact same 1970 Dodge Challenger a with a 440 engine and a white paint job that Tracie Thoms drove with Zoë Bell playing Ship's Mast on the hood (or "bonnet") when they were filming Death Proof.

Now I'm not a "car guy", but this is cool as hell!

We got another taste of the movie just before sundown, and that was a joint effort of two of my friends on the lot.  The video above is a scene from Death Proof in which Quentin Tarantino (as Warren the bartender) pours a shot of Chartreuse for himself and a group at one of the tables in his bar.  After they drink, he tells them that it's "the only liquor so good they named a color after it".

Chartreuse has been made in France by Carthusian Monks since 1737.  The modern version, which the monks have been making since 1840, is produced from a blend of 130 herbs and other plants macerated in alcohol and steeped for about eight hours, followed by a last maceration of plants that gives the liquor its distinctive green color.

Bill had the idea to get a bottle of Chartreuse so that we could all do a shot on the lot while the scene plays on the big screen.  Unfortunately, the monks decided to drastically cut back on the production of their liquor during the pandemic and it has been extremely difficult to find ever since, especially in the United States.  Over the past few months, he, Tom, Jen, Susan, Anthony, Mike, Kate, Angie, and myself have been searching for a bottle so that we could make this happen, but to no avail.  We couldn't find it at any price... at least not from anyone who could ship it to the United States.  At the last minute before showtime on Friday night, our friend Rick came up with a bottle and a stack of red cups.  I don't know how the hell he found it, but he came through, and we got to have our shot of Chartreuse under the big screen at the Mahoning on Grindhouse night.  It was a very cool experience that I am incredibly thankful to have had, but this is going to have to be my first and last time with this particular "tasty beverage".  I've never drank Pine Sol before, but after trying Chartreuse, I feel like I have.

There was a pre-show trailer reel that Rob told me to pay special attention to because it tied into the film.  The first trailer, which he drove over three hours to get from a collector just outside of Baltimore, was Wolf Creek, and the second trailer was Scary Movie 4.  I didn't understand at first, but it became clear towards the end of Death Proof in the scene where Kurt Russell crashes through the Starlight Drive-In marquee.

The third and final trailer before Grindhouse was for the 2011 film Hobo With A Shotgun.  The original fake trailer for this movie (before the movie existed) was created by Jason Eisener, John Davies, and Rob Cotterill.  It won Robert Rodriguez's South by Southwest Grindhouse Trailer contest and was included in some of the theatrical screenings of Grindhouse during its original run in Canada.  Four years later, it was turned into a full length feature film which was written by John Davies, directed by Jason Eisener, and produced by Rob Cotterill.

After those three trailers, the madness of Grindhouse hit the big screen.

All of the original fake trailers from Grindhouse were screened.  The trailer for Machete played before Planet Terror, and the trailers for Werewolf Women Of The SS, Don't, Thanksgiving, and the ad for Acuna Boys restaurant played during the fake intermission between Planet Terror and Death Proof.

In the years since Grindhouse premiered, Machete and Thanksgiving were turned into real movies, and it wouldn't surprise me too much to see the other two get a full-length feature at some point.

Planet Terror hit the big screen after the Machete trailer, and I cannot say enough good things about this movie.  I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that while I've watched Death Proof well over a dozen times in my life, I've only ever seen Planet Terror once - on April 12th, 2007 when we saw Grindhouse during its original theatrical run.  As a result, I've forgotten how awesome this movie is.  There are few movies that are more fun and more perfect for a night out at the drive-in as this!

 

After the fake intermission, we got to see the theatrical cut of Death Proof.  For a split second at the start of the movie, a title card for "Quentin Tarantino's Thunder Bolt" appears on screen.  It is quickly replaced generic looking "Death Proof" title card.  This was done as an homage to exploitation films, which were often renamed and re-released in the hopes of squeezing a few more dollars out of it.

It's difficult to rank Quentin Tarantino movies in order of favorite to least favorite because I love them all.  I'm not sure where this one would fall on the list, but it is absolutely one of my favorite car movies of all time, and I'm happy to say that I've now gotten to see the extended International Cut and the original Theatrical Cut on the big screen at the Mahoning Drive-In.

The third film on Friday night was the 1982 women-in-prison film, The Concrete Jungle.  Susan and Anthony told me that they had already watched this at the Mahoning during a Patreon night, but it was one of their earlier shows from before I became a member, and I hadn't ever watched it at home before, so this was my first time seeing it.  It was pretty good, and it definitely fit the tone of the weekend.

Saturday night's third film was the 1983 psychological thriller film, Olivia.  This was also a film that screened during a Patreon night, but this one screened in April 2023 after I became a member.  It was nearly 1:00 am and I was pretty tired, so I decided to call it an "early" night and hit the road.  We'll be back tonight for one of my top ten favorite movies of all time: The Crow.

They're Peachy

Peach Mango Cheerios
General Mills (2024)

Long Live The New Flesh

Videodrome
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
My 225th night on the lot at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater was spent with one of the all-time cult classics and the movie that introduced me to body horror, Videodrome.

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

The inaugural Thursday Thread-Up series has been amazing.  So far, I've gotten to see Eraserhead, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Easy Rider, Repo Man, The Princess Bride, and Motel Hell, and the eighth movie in the series (and the 8th punch on my card) was last night's Videodrome.  Upcoming Thursday night screenings include The Last Picture Show, Deranged, The Shining, Up In Smoke, and A Clockwork Orange, and there are many other Thursday nights on the calendar which have yet to be announced.

While there have been some hot and humid nights on the lot in 2024, we've gotten lucky this season when it comes to avoiding rain.  In fact, I think this was the first time since Opening Weekend that I've had to watch the whole movie from inside of the car.

There was a video introduction by Tim Lucas prior to the start of the film.  He is the editor of Video Watchdog and is the author of many books, audio commentaries, and podcasts relating to cult cinema, and he was invited by David Cronenberg to spend a few days on the set of Videodrome while it was being filmed.

I've got a love/hate relationship when it comes to these video introductions.  Some of them are a lot of fun (Jon Gries intro to Joysticks immediately comes to mind).  Others can feel long and tedious, and they're especially frustrating when they spoil a part of the plot when it's a movie that I'm seeing for the first time.  This wasn't my first time seeing Videodrome, but I'm sorry to say that this intro was not of the short and fun variety.  I'm sure there were plenty of folks on the lot who found what he had to say to be interesting, but I had to turn off the radio after the first few minutes of his introduction.  This is just an opinion, but it might not be a bad idea to play these longer pre-taped discussions after the credits roll rather than before the start of the film.

Videodrome is another movie that I saw for the first time when I worked for Blowout Video when I was a teenager.  I've only watched it two or three times in the years since, and I'd guess that it's been well over ten years since I last saw it.  That is in no way a reflection of how much I enjoyed the film.  I loved it the first time that I saw it, and my appreciation for it has only grown as I've gotten older.  However, when I watch a movie at home that I've seen before, it's usually because I'm doing two or three other things at the same time, so I gravitate to comedies that I can enjoy without really having to keep my eyes on the screen at every minute.  When I have no distractions and am able to give my full attention to what I'm watching, I tend to choose to watch something that I haven't seen before, so a lot of movies get lost in the shuffle.

Seeing Videodrome on 35mm on the big screen at the Mahoning is an experience that I won't forget.  It still blows my mind today, so I can only imagine how audiences reacted to it over 40 years ago when they saw it for the first time.

Ohh Yeah!

Macho Man Slim Jim Holder
Onvo Travel Plaza - White Haven, PA

We saw this huge Slim Jim holder featuring "Macho Man" Randy Savage by the registers at the Onvo Travel Plaza when we stopped at IHOP last weekend.  Unfortunately, the display was not for sale.  If it was, this would be sitting on my kitchen counter right now.  I'm not sure what I'd fill it with, but damn it, I'd find something!

Soak Up This Blip We're Livin' In

This song came up on my Instagram feed last night.  It pretty much captures my view of life, the universe, and everything in a catchy little tune that has been stuck in my head since I first heard it.

Important (The Way I Wrote It)
Ian McConnell

I’m pretty sure that life doesn’t have a meaning

And if there’s a god then he doesn’t look like me

And I’m just a member of the current apex species

But there will be another when the humans go extinct

We’ve only been around two hundred thousand years

Of thirteen and a half billion years

How can we think the pinnacle is here?

Isn’t that arrogant?

There’s a couple hundred billion trillion suns

And we act like it all was made for us 

There ain’t no way that we’re the only ones

I’m not important, and neither are you

So let’s do whatever we wanna do

Bask in our cosmic insignificance

Soak up this blip we’re livin in

Cause nothing matters anyway

Isn’t that great?

Cause humans aren’t really gonna kill the planet (yay!)

We’ll just make the planet unlivable for us (aww…)

But earth will keep right on spinning 

Way long after we ain’t in it

And life will keep right on livin 

Til the sun explodes and oh

I’m not important, and neither are you

So let’s do whatever we wanna do

Bask in our cosmic insignificance

Soak up this blip we’re livin’ in

Cause nothing matters anyway

Isn’t that great?

I don’t mean to be a downer

I don’t even think it’s sad

The universe is gigantic

And it’s kinda beautiful that

I’m not important, and neither are you

So let’s do whatever we wanna do

Bask in our cosmic insignificance

Soak up this blip we’re livin in

Cause nothing matters anyway

Isn’t that great? 

Come To The Dark Side. We Have Cake.

Darth Vader Cakebites
The Original Cakebites (2024)
I'm really trying not to keep snack food around the house, but this company isn't making it easy.  They last enticed me to try their product a few years ago when they came out with Cobra Kai themed snacks which cleverly avoided any of the official trademarks while still making it pretty obvious what inspired the flavor names and their packaging.  This time, they went headfirst into the king of product licensees by creating Star Wars themed Cakebites.  I tried the Darth Vader flavor, which is made of chocolate and vanilla cake with chocolate cream and a chocolate coating, and red Lightsaber sprinkles on top.  Very tasty!

The Great Gilbert Tribute Show

The Great Gilbert Tribute Show: Problem Child
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
Sunday night at the drive-in was dedicated to the life and work of one of the most talented stand-up comedians of his generation, the late Gilbert Gottfried.

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

The feature film of last night was the 1990 comedy Problem Child, but it was far from being the only part of The Great Gilbert Tribute Show.  The lineup also included a short film called The Hidden Talent of Gilbert Gottfried, as well as the drive-in world premier of Drew Friedman: Vermeer Of The Borscht Belt, and a highlight reel of Mr. Gottfried's funniest moments, including his standup comedy and his role on Hollywood Squares.

Sunday evening also featured one of the strangest pre-show games that I've ever taken part in.  One of the stories that Mr. Gottfried told on Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast involved actor Cesar Romero.  According to the comedian, the original Joker liked to strip naked and have male stagehands throw orange or tangerine wedges at his rear end.  This story was commemorated by our friend Gene Barretta in a piece of art that he gave to Mr. Gottfried several years ago, as well as this target that was set up on the photo op stage.

There were no prizes other than bragging rights, which is probably for the best.  I'm not sure if it's possible to order a trophy of a bare ass with an orange wedge sticking out of it.

The mildly disturbing image of Cesar Romero wasn't the only artwork from Gene Barretta that was on the lot last night.  Often times when we're hanging out with Gene and Ben on the lot, he will take out his sketch pad and draw someone or something.  Last night, that someone or something was me.

This picture was a bit of an eye opener.  I didn't realize that I looked this angry.  I was very happy when he was drawing this, surrounded by my friends in my happy place waiting for the start of a fun movie, but evidentially my facial expression and my posture gave off a grouchy courtroom defendant vibe that I was unaware of.

The Barrettas made another contribution to the evening that we got to see on the big screen prior to the start of the first film.  Gene shared this PSA with me when it was still a work-in-progress a few weeks ago, but it has since been completed and made its debut on the big screen at the Mahoning.

When the sun went down, the 1990 comedy Problem Child hit the screen.  This is a movie that I've watched a few times when I was in middle school, but it occurred to me that this is probably the first time that I ever watched the theatrical cut.  It aired on television quite a bit during the 90's (on the USA Network, I believe), and I'm pretty sure that those broadcasts were the only way that I had ever seen this movie before.  I've never been a huge John Ritter fan, but his casting as the good-hearted but clueless father in this film is about as perfect as it gets.  Amy Yasbeck is not only funny, but reminds me of an over-the-top version of my grandmother in her role.  Michael Oliver is equally great as the adopted child who reeks havoc on everyone he comes into contact with, and Gilbert Gottfried and Michael Richards are hysterically funny and steal every scene that they're in.

Next up was a short documentary called The Hidden Talent Of Gilbert Gottfried.  This was created last year by his 16 year old daughter Lily Gottfried as a tribute to her father's artistic talents.  It's very interesting and a touching way to honor a very talented man.  You can watch it for free on YouTube, and I highly recommend it.  It's under ten minutes long and absolutely worth watching.

Next up was the world drive-in premier of the 2024 documentary Drew Friedman: Vermeer Of The Borscht Belt.  Mr. Friedman is an illustrator whose art has appeared in Mad Magazine, National Lampoon, High Times, and countless other publications since the early 1980's.  Gilbert Gottfried appeared in this documentary, and our friend Gene has a credit on it (though his name is misspelled as Eugene Barre).  It was an interesting and funny insight into the life of an artist whose work I have seen many times, but never really knew where it came from.

There was a highlight reel of Gilbert Gottfried's performances that was shown on the big screen after the documentary ended, but it was getting pretty late and I had to wake up early for work this morning, so I only stayed for about the first ten minutes, through the end of his highlights from Hollywood Squares.  The ticket sales for this event seemed pretty light, which is unfortunate, but it was a fun night with a lot of folks from our front row crew in attendance.

Something's Fishy

The Fantastic World Of The Portuguese Sardine
1592 Broadway - New York, NY

The last thing I expected to see on Broadway was a store dedicated to the sale of canned fish.

There was a short time when I was a kid that I loved sardines, but I haven't been able to bring myself to try them ever since.  At a cost of between $30 - $80 a can, this place didn't change my mind.

Here We Are Hanging Onto Strains Of Green And Blues

Squad Deep with Andre & Ryan: The Goonies / The Monster Squad
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
Last night, the Mahoning Drive-In Theater featured one of my favorite movies of all time, along with a second movie which was the focal point of the event.

The weekend is centered around the horror comedy The Monster Squad.  The 1987 film is screening on both Friday and Saturday night from what is believed to be the only 35mm print that still exists today.  In addition to this incredibly rare screening, we were joined on the lot by two actors from the film: Andre Gower, who stars in the movie as Sean Crenshaw, and Ryan Lambert, who plays the leather jacket wearing bad boy of the film, Rudy Holloran.

The Big Kid Store were one of the vendors on the lot on Friday night, and they hosted a Goonies-themed scavenger hunt.  This was similar to the one that they held for the screening of Clue on June 9th.  Folks were given a treasure map and had to hunt around the lot looking for six stations that had a colored ink stamper attached to stamp your map.  Once you've obtained all six stamps, you'd turn your map in to the folks at The Big Kid Store table for a raffle ticket to win a prize pack.  We didn't end up getting the winning ticket, but the scavenger hunt was a heck of a lot of fun!

The Goonies is my favorite kids movie ever made, and its firmly in my top ten of favorite movies of all time.  We saw it at the Mahoning two years ago and it was an incredible experience, and this time was just as great.  They could show this movie once a year and I'd come out to see it every time and be just as excited as the first time I ever saw it.

I could go on for several paragraphs of gushing over how much I love The Goonies, I'm going to skip ahead to talk about the second half of this double feature because it was a movie that I got to see for the very first time last night.

The second movie of Friday night was The Monster Squad.  I was seven years old when this premiered in theaters, which means I probably would have been around 8 or 9 when it was released on home video.  I was also a big fan of horror movies as a child, just as I am today.  However, not only have I never seen The Monster Squad before last night, but I had never even heard of it until fairly recently.  I don't ever recall seeing the trailer on television, or hearing any of my friends from school talking about it, or even seeing a poster or the VHS tape box at a rental store.

Virgil hyped this film up as a cult-classic and a must-see 80's flick, so I was looking forward to seeing it.  I was even more excited when I learned that the 35mm print that was being shown on the big screen at the Mahoning is the only one known to exist, and that two of the stars from the movie would be joining us on the lot and would take part in a pre-show Q&A.  I was all set to have my mind blown by an 80's gem that had somehow eluded me all of these years and to have my first experience of it be on 35mm at a drive-in theater, just as moviegoers would have experienced it 37 years ago when it was first released.

So... I tend to be able to find something that I enjoy about pretty much every movie I see, even if it's not necessarilly my cup of tea.  I'm not going to say that there was nothing enjoyable about The Monster Squad because it had a few moments that were mildly amusing, but I think this was pretty lousy overall and not in a "so bad it's good" kind of way.  The story was sloppy and disjointed with acting performances that felt like they came from rejected Are You Afraid Of The Dark audition tapes.  The script seemed like with was written with the primary goal of having child actors piss off the parents in the audience.  I'm not at all offended by kids cursing, or smoking, or firing guns, or any of the other things that happened in this movie.  It was just done in such a way that made it painfully obvious that they were going for the whole "your parents don't want you to see this" vibe.  There really wasn't any heart in the film at all.  The attempts at humor came across as lame, and the plot was an hot mess.  Really, the only thing I can praise is that the monster costumes and makeup were quite good.  I honestly wish I felt differently and that I could get as hyped up by the whole "wolfman has nards" schtick as the fans of this movie seem to get, but I'd only be faking it.  This one isn't for me.

It has been suggested that I would have felt differently if I had seen this for the first time when I was a kid, but I strongly doubt it.  There have been plenty of movies geared towards kids and teenagers that I enjoyed despite not seeing them until well into my adult life.  Little Monsters, Good Burger, Heavyweights, Angus, and The Sandlot come to mind as examples because, like The Monster Squad, I got to see them at the Mahoning.  It could be that the movie was just plain overhyped and didn't live up to the lofty expectations that were set by the folks who talked to me about it beforehand.  It's also possible that it looked bad to me because it screened immediately after my favorite kids movie of all time and it paled in comparison.  That last point seems to be the most fair to me.  Watching a double feature of The Goonies and The Monster Squad felt to me like eating a delicious steak and baked potato for dinner followed by a handful of stale Pez dug out of the bottom of your grandmother's purse for dessert.

They're screening The Monster Squad again tonight, followed by a digital presentation of It: Chapter One.  With all due respect to Bill Skarsgård's performance as Pennywise The Clown, this may be the easiest night on the calendar for me to skip.  I'm not a big fan of the gimmick where they screen the same movie two days in a row with a different co-feature even if I like the repeated movie, but for something like The Monster Squad, you'd have a hard time convincing me to see it two days in a row even if the tickets were free.

Our New Neighbor

My wife has been feeding the birds and squirrels in our backyard since the start of the pandemic, but this little girl is the first one to feel comfortable enough to let us get close to her.

This little squirrel, who my wife has named Baby, lives in the tree in our backyard.  Today, she took a peanut directly from my wife's hand.  I don't mean that she snatched it and ran away either.  She took the peanut as gently as Harvey takes a puppy treat when we give it to him, which is pretty damned gentle!

Long story short, you're probably going to see a lot more squirrel photos on here going forward.

It Takes All Kinds Of Critters To Make Farmer Vincent Fritters

Motel Hell
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
The sixth installment in the Mahoning's Thursday Thread-Up series is the 1980 cannibalistic horror classic: Motel Hell.

Show banner designed by Andrew Kern

This screening was originally scheduled for May 16th.  It was one of the shows that was postponed due to the sad passing of drive-in legend Jeff Mattox.

We bought Harvey out to the drive-in tonight, and the little guy won Donnie's Ruff-Ruff Raffle which was announced before the trailer reel.  Harvey is now the proud owner of a stuffed monkey which he is resting his chin on as I write this.

I know that I've watched Motel Hell before this screening at the Mahoning, but I'll be damned if I can remember when.  I figured that it must have been on The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs, but it's not in the list of movies that he has hosted on Shudder.  It's not in my VHS or DVD collection, and although my memory isn't terrific, I'm pretty sure that I never rented it back in the video store days either.  Nevertheless, I am positive that I've seen it because I remembered every scene as it was happening.

If you love horror movies and haven't seen it before, I highly recommend it.  You can stream it for free on Tubi, Pluto, and The Roku Channel.