When You Get To The Lot, Tell Them Boris Sent You

Universal Monster Mash VI

Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

The Universal Monster Mash was one of my favorite events at the Mahoning last season.  We definitely would have gone to both nights of this year's event, as well as Little Shop Of Horrors on Sunday.  However, we already had concert tickets for this weekend before the dates for Monster Mash IV were announced, so we were only able to make it out to the Mahoning on Friday.

There's a full lineup of classic films for this weekend.  Last night was a triple feature of Frankenstein, Dracula's Daughter and Murders In The Rue Morgue, and tonight's lineup includes The Mummy, Invisible Agent and The Creature Walks Among Us.

 

The poster for this event was designed by artist Tom Bifulco, who has been absolutely knocking it out of the park this season.  He was on the lot last night signing posters for the folks in attendance who bought one.  I'm not sure if they held back any extra prints for tonight's show, but I believe the ones that were at the merch table last night sold out over an hour before the first feature.

There were two photo ops set up near the entrance to the concessions building.  Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture of the incredible Creature Walks Among Us beach scene, but I did get one with this awesome laboratory setup, complete with a monster to terrorize anyone who walked by.

It's getting dark earlier as we get into the second half of August, so the screening of the trailer reel got started at around 8:30, which led into one of the most iconic films in the history of motion pictures, the 1931 classic Frankenstein.  It still blows my mind that what we're seeing on the big screen is over 90 years old.  I can only imagine how massive the party on the lot is going to be when these horror classics reach their 100th birthday.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to head out after the first feature last night, but we'll be back soon for our second Patreon screening.  Incidentally, if you're a fan of the Mahoning Drive-In Theater and you aren't already signed up for the Patreon, I strongly recommend it.  I've got a healthy case of subscription fatigue, so I was a bit hesitant to sign up, but I wish I had taken the plunge earlier because it is absolutely worth it.

I Dream Of Grapefruit Cola

Coca-Cola Dreamworld
Coca-Cola (2022)

The trend of limited edition Coke products with bizarre names is continuing through the end of the summer with their new "dream flavored" cola called Coca-Cola Dreamworld.  Their website describes this flavor as something that "explores the realms of the surreal, the imaginary, and the otherworldly".

If you can imagine a cola that tastes a bit like grapefruit, you can imagine the surreal and otherworldly qualities of Dreamworld.  I think it tastes better than Marshmello's Coke, but it's not as good as the Starlight flavor that was released earlier this year.  It's definitely worth trying, but it's not the kind of thing that I'm likely to stock up on before the limited edition period is over the way that I did for Starlight.

On a side note, I have the utmost of respect for The Coca-Cola Company for releasing their limited edition products in stores.  There are many companies these days who don't.  Instead, they come up with something unusual or innovative that they share on the internet, only to send special packages out to "influencers" and make everybody else beg for what's left over in a cheap social media contest.  In other words, their brand name gets all of the free publicity from the folks who share pictures of the product and from the news outlets that report on it, but they take none of the risk involved with producing the product on a large scale and shipping it out to stores so that everyone can have an opportunity to try it.  Companies that take this approach tell me two things: they don't have faith that the product is good enough to sell, and they lack respect for their consumers.  Kudos to Coca-Cola for being better than that.

A Historic Venue On Public Square

FM Kirby Center For The Performing Arts
Wilkes-Barre, PA

This historic Northeast PA venue opened its doors for the first time 84 years ago today with a screening of the musical film Alexander's Ragtime Band.  It was called the Comerford Theater when it was opened.  It was renamed as Paramount Theatre in 1949 and operated under this name for the next three and a half decades until it was renamed in 1986 in honor of local philanthropist Fred Morgan Kirby when his son led a group of investors to raise the money needed to repair the building.  Most of the venue has retained the Art Deco style that it had when it first opened in 1938.

The Drug That Brings Me Near...

Substance
New Order (1987)
One of the most brilliant collections of music ever pressed to vinyl or burned to a compact disc is turning 35 years old today.  Substance is a compilation of New Order singles that had been released from their inception in 1980 through the summer of 1987.  The album has many personal favorites of mine, including Ceremony, Temptation, Blue Monday, Thieves Like Us, The Perfect Kiss, Shellshock, Bizarre Love Triangle, and True Faith.

The entire CD release of this album has been made available on the band's official YouTube channel to stream for free.  When it was released on compact disc, it came with a second disc that includes all of the B-sides from the collection of 12-inch singles that were on the original vinyl pressing of the album.

True Faith was the most recent song on Substance.  It had been released as a single just 28 days earlier on July 20th, 1987 and was included as the final song on the vinyl release of the album. 

True Faith

New Order (1987)

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A certain sense of liberty

I don't care 'cause I'm not there

And I don't care if I'm here tomorrow

Again and again I've taken too much

Of the things that cost you too much

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun

When I was a very small boy

Very small boys talked to me

Now that we've grown up together

They're afraid of what they see

That's the price that we all pay

And the value of destiny comes to nothing

I can't tell you where we're going

I guess there's just no way of knowing

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun...

I feel so extraordinary

Something's got a hold on me

I get this feeling I'm in motion

A certain sense of liberty

The chances are we've gone too far

You took my time and you took my money

Now I fear you've left me standing

In a world that's so demanding

I used to think that the day would never come

I'd see the light in the shade of the morning sun

My morning sun is the drug that brings me near

To the childhood I lost, replaced by fear

I used to think that the day would never come

That my life would depend on the morning sun...

Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I'll finally have an opportunity to see New Order in concert next month.  I got tickets for this tour in 2019 when they first went on sale with the expectation that we'd be seeing them in September 2020.  That didn't happen for obvious reasons.  The tour was rescheduled for September 2021, but it ended up being postponed for another year and is now scheduled to kick off one month from today in Toronto.

It was only three years ago when this tour was announced, but it feels like an entirely different lifetime; a world in which none of us had ever heard of Covid-19 and when the term "social distancing" was a personal preference and not a mandate from the department of health.  Thanks in large part to the anti-vaxxers who gave the virus plenty of fresh meat to keep it alive, the original virus has been given the opportunity to mutate in so many different ways that any hopes of eradicating it like we did to Polio are pretty much gone.  Covid is here to stay and it's still killing over 450 people a day in this country alone, but we're all getting on with our lives while we still have lives to get on with.  So far, there has been no announcements about another postponement of The Unity Tour, so it looks like New Order and the Pet Shop Boys are getting on with their lives too.

Ten Thousand Wins

Relief pitcher Nick Nelson looks a little grouchy in this screenshot from the end of tonight's game.  He gave up a bloop single to Reds left fielder TJ Friedl in the 9th which allowed Cincinnati to tack on a run at the end of the game.  I respect the hell out of the dude for caring about his performance, but I hope he doesn't let it bother him for too long, because he just finished off a historic victory in the history of the franchise.  With tonight's 11-4 victory over the Cincinnati Reds, the Phillies have become the 9th team in the history of Major League Baseball to reach 10,000 wins as a franchise.

The media will be quick to remind you that this milestone is coming 15 years after the Phillies became the first team in MLB to reach 10,000 losses, but I'm not letting that get to me.  They're 65-51 midway through August and in the hunt for their first playoff appearance in over ten years.

King Of The Chicken Sandwiches

Spicy Ch'king
Burger King (2022)

I've got to hand it to Burger King - this is a damn good chicken sandwich.  This would have been a tasty sandwich to get at a moderately priced family restaurant, let alone a fast food drive thru window.

A Pleasant Mahoning Valley Sunday

Mahoning Monkee Mania
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

This show poster from artist Tom Bifulco perfectly captures the madness of last night's event at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.

Mahoning Monkee Mania was a passion project of its general manager and resident Monkee maniac, Mark.  In the weeks leading up to this event, Mark had a few guests on the Mahoning Drive-In Radio Podcast to talk about the circumstances that made this event possible.  Collectors have acquired 35mm prints of Monkees episodes that aired in syndication on ABC during the 1973 season in the years since they were broadcast on television.  Three of these episodes were shown during Mahoning Monkee Mania to bookend the band's 1968 feature length film, Head.

 

I've watched plenty of episodes of The Monkees television series that aired in syndication when I was a kid in the 80's, and I grew up listening to their hit singles from my mother's collection of 45s that she kept in my room when I was very young.  However, until this show was announced, I had no idea that The Monkees ever made a movie.

Musician Mick Lawless performed a solo acoustic set of Monkees classics during the pre-show.  He's the guitarist and lead vocalist of Loose Salute and Mick Lawless and the Reckless Hearts, and he has performed with both Micky Dolenz and Peter Tork.

Speaking of Micky Dolenz, the man himself recorded a nice introduction especially for the fans in attendance at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater, including a plea for folks to reach out to him to explain what Head is about if any of us manage to figure it out.

The Monkees episodes aired on the big screen at sundown, starting with the fifth episode of the series:  The Spy Who Came In From The Cool, followed by the ninth episode of the second season: The Card Carrying Red Shoes.

The 35mm prints of The Monkees episodes are from when ABC aired the show in syndication on Saturday mornings during the 1973 season, and they included many of the original commercials from that time.  There was also a short cartoon called Multiplication Rock, which was the predecessor of Schoolhouse Rock.

There was an intermission after the two episodes of The Monkees aired, after which there was a screening of the band's 1968 feature film, Head.  I enjoyed it quite a bit, but I have no idea how to describe it.  If I'm being perfectly honest, I'm not even sure what it's about.  It has a lot of funny moments and great music, including the absolutely beautiful Porpoise Song, but the movie is so trippy and bizarre that it defies description.  This is a movie you're just going to have to see for yourself.  It's available to stream for free on Crackle.  If I could offer any advice, it would be to go into this experience with an open mind, because this is unlike anything that you've ever seen before.

After the movie, there was one last surprise to send us off - a screening of the fourth episode in the series: Your Friendly Neighborhood Kidnappers.  It's the story of an unscrupulous manager of a rival rock band (with an appropriate last name for a scumbag villain) who has The Monkees kidnapped to keep them out of a talent competition.  This reel didn't have any of the 1973 commercials, but it's a very funny episode and a nice way to close out Mahoning Monkee Mania.

This was an incredible event that I'm glad to have attended.  Mark put in a hell of a lot of work in creating and promoting this show, and I was extremely happy to see that the lot was packed for the night.  In fact, it was one of the biggest crowds I've seen at The Mahoning all season.  Many of the fans in attendance were first time visitors, and I'm sure that a lot of them fell in love with this place.  It's almost impossible not to.

It's Not Marshmallow Flavored

Marshmello's Limited Edition Coca-Cola
Coca-Cola (2022)
Philadelphia's own Marshmello has partnered with Coca-Cola to develop a limited edition watermelon and strawberry flavored cola.  From what I can tell, they're only sold individually in a thin 12oz can.  It's a tasty soda, but it reminded me more of one of the tropical Mountain Dew flavors than it does of a flavored cola.

Couple Of Prayers And A Dead Hamster Got Us Into This Mess

The American Genre Film Archive Triple Ripper

Double Agent 73 / The Gate II: Return To The Nightmare / Penitentiary III

Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

This is one of the of oddities that you can only get at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  It's a triple feature of a sexploitation flick from the mid 70's, a horror sequel from the early 90's, and a balls-to-the-wall prison flick from the mid 80's.  On the surface, these have next to nothing in common, but each of these movies bring their own flavor of weirdness to a night of madness that's custom made for the kind of folks who love the drive-in culture.

Ivan Peycheff from the American Genre Film Archive was in town to introduce the three films that were shown during the AGFA Triple Ripper.  He said that we'd start off weird and that it would only get weirder as the night went on, and that dude wasn't lying!

There were trailer and intermission reels played before each of the movies.  Some of these have played at the Mahoning before, but there were some that I saw for the first time, including a California Raisins commercial starring a claymation Michael Jackson, and Clint Eastwood scolding all of us on the dangers of smoking crack.  There were a few other oddities, including what I can only describe as a 35mm remix of a Jaws 2 trailer, which definitely made for a fun experience.

The first film of the night was Double Agent 73.  It was produced and directed by exploitation film legend Doris Wishman and stars Chesty Morgan, whose 73 inch bust size was written up by the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest on record for a film star.  This movie is an hour and 15 minute cheesefest with a story that's entirely built around Chesty Morgan as the titular Secret Agent 73 being put in situations where she has to take her top off.  She's been assigned to assassinate a gang of drug dealers and to take a picture of each one of them until the chief finds the leader of the gang with a scar on his face.  She takes out many of the gang members with her breasts, including knocking one out by swinging them at his head, and rubbing them down with poison and luring a drunken man into kissing them until he drops dead.  However, she has an excuse to whip 'em out even when they're not being used as a weapon because her agency has installed a camera in her left breast which she uses to take pictures of her victim.  I guess the Fun Saver hadn't been invented yet.

Now, I like breasts as much as the next guy, but there's not really much that I find sexy about this flick.  It's not that the star is bad looking or anything, but the acting is so ridiculous and the plot is so absurd that I can't imagine anyone getting turned on from this.  You'll be too busy laughing your ass off.  

Next up was a horror movie from 1990 called Gate II: Return To The Nightmare.  It's a sequel to The Gate from 1987.  I've never seen either of them before, but The Gate is one of those movies that was in the horror section of just about every rental store I've been to when I was growing up.  I'm going to have to go back and check it out because the second one is a pretty damn entertaining flick!  It's about teenager who summons demons to use their power to help his father overcome alcoholism and get his life back on track.  He is interrupted by three other teenagers (two bullies and a girl who becomes his love interest) and chaos ensues.

The final movie of last night's triple feature was my favorite movie of the night; a prison boxing movie from 1987 called Penitentiary III.  It's the third and final film in a series that includes Penitentiary from 1979 and Penitentiary II from 1982.  Leon Isaac Kennedy stars in all three movies as professional boxer Martel "Too Sweet" Gordone.

The final chapter of the trilogy that was screened at Triple Ripper is about an imprisoned crime lord named Serenghetti who wants Too Sweet to fight for his team in a prison boxing tournament.  In order to make that happen, he pays Too Sweet's corner man to spike his water with a drug that makes him stronger and more violent.  This results in Too Sweet killing his opponent in the ring, and manslaughter charges that put him behind bars.  Riddled with guilt, he refuses to fight and he suffers the wrath of Serenghetti.

When we were watching this, I thought that Serenghetti looked familiar.  At first, I thought he looked like a younger version of Jigsaw from the Saw movies, but it's not the same actor.  He was played by Anthony Geary, who is best known as Luke Spencer from General Hospital (he's the Luke in Luke & Laura), but the reason I recognized him is that he was Philo in UHF.  The movie also features former WWF wrestler The Haiti Kid as a psychotic kung fu expert who is brought in to kill Too Sweet, but who ends up being his trainer in prison.  It also includes a brief appearance by Danny Trejo as an inmate boxer named Severe.

I realize as I'm writing this that I'm making this movie sound like it's one of those "so bad it's good" kind of films, but it's a pretty great flick.  I've never seen the first two movies in the series, but if they're as entertaining as Penitentiary III, it's a solid trilogy that's worth checking out.

 

I'm hoping that this turns into an annual event at the Mahoning, but even if it doesn't, it was definitely a fun and memorable night, and between the trailers and the movies that came before the sequels that we got to see, it opened my eyes to a lot of movies to check out that I haven't seen before.

He Built A Snowman For Us

Raymond Briggs
1934 - 2022

The artist and author who taught generations of children about friendship, love, and loss in his 1978 picture book, The Snowman, has died.  He was 88 years old.

Although Mr. Briggs has been adamant in his insistence that The Snowman is not a Christmas story, he allowed his work to be turned into a short animated film that has become a Christmas tradition in homes across the world.  This is how I first became acquainted with his work, but in the years that followed, I've come to appreciate what he meant to share with the world with his book.

Thank you, Mr. Briggs.  

Save The Cute Little Robot Ball

Tetrisphere
Nintendo 64 (1997)

There have been a lot of variations of Tetris over the years.  One of the most unusual of these was released for the N64 25 years ago today.

Tetrisphere was originally designed as a game called Phear for the Atari Jaguar console.  After seeing the demo on display at the Winter Consumer Electronics Show in 1995, Nintendo acquired the rights to the game.  Shortly thereafter, it was redesigned to a game with a techno soundtrack in which the player guides Tetris pieces toward a sphere in the center of the screen.  There are several different versions of the game that can be played.  My favorite of these is called Rescue, where you eliminate layers of blocks to rescue a robot that's trapped in the hollow center of the sphere.

Gone Fishin' At Arby's

Hushpuppy Breaded Fish Strips
Arby's (2022)
Since the Long John Silver's in my hometown closed earlier this year, there aren't too many fast food options for fish and seafood in the area.  I've been keeping an eye open for something that could serve as a supplement to our Christmas Eve dinner this year.  It's not going to be the Hushpuppy Breaded Fish Strips from Arby's, but that's not a knock on the quality of the product.  They're very tasty, and the price wasn't too bad (at least by 2022 standards), but they're advertised as being available for a limited time, so I'm guessing that they won't be available by the end of the year.

These photos make the fish strips look smaller than they are.  They aren't massive, but I'd guess that each one is about 80% of the size of a plank of fish from Long John's, and I believe the size of the actual fish inside of the breading may be even closer to being equal because the hush puppy breading on these isn't as "fluffy" (for lack of a better word) as the breading that Long John's used.

Speaking of the hush puppy breading, I thought it was very tasty.  It didn't really remind me of a hush puppy, but since my experience with hush puppies has been pretty much limited to Long John's and the shoes that my parents used to make me wear when I was a kid, I'm probably not the most qualified person to weigh in on what a real hush puppy tastes like.

We also tried their limited edition Orange Cream Shake, which was one of the tastiest fast food milkshakes I've ever had.  The Creamsicle-like flavor is perfect on a hot summer day - especially for a summer that has broken all kinds of records for heat without too much wind or rain to help cool us off.