Control Is An Illusion

Hypnotic
Regal Cinema - Hazleton, PA

The latest film from director Robert Rodriguez is premiering in theaters nationwide this weekend, but we were lucky enough to get an advance screening on the first of the month as a part of Regal Cinema's Mystery Movie Monday.

If you have a Regal in your area, I can't recommend this highly enough.  My recommendation is to stay away from the prediction threads on Twitter and Reddit.  To their credit, the general consensus on what the next mystery movie is usually ends up being right, but I think you're really cheating yourself out of a unique experience if you try to find out what it is.  How many opportunities are you going to have to go into a theater with no expectations at all and see a movie that practically no one has ever seen before?  It could be a genre that you really enjoy, or it might be something that you have almost no exposure to.  Not knowing is part of the fun.  Just show up, and for five bucks (or $7 if you want popcorn and a soda), and let the cast and crew tell you a story.

Hypnotic is an action movie with elements of science fiction, crime, mystery, psychological thriller.  This combination of elements has been brought together quite a few times over the past two decades to the point where it really could be considered a genre onto itself.  The first example that I can think of is Memento, but this sub-genre hit is stride with the release of Inception and Shutter Island.

Hypnotic has a lot of twists and turns that all come together in the end.  I don't think it's quite as challenging as Shutter Island, but I think that has a lot to do with Hypnotic having a much snappier run time (89 minutes compared to 139 minutes), and the fact that I've had more exposure to this type of film in 2023 than I had in 2010.  I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this movie to anybody.  It's shot well, it tells a good story, and Ben Affleck does a great job in the lead role.  Stick around for the bonus scene in the credits that sets up a potential sequel.

I'm Really Excited About The Ring Dings And The Pepsi

Ring Dings
Drake's (2023)
Seeing this box at the grocery store prompted a few questions.  Is that really an ad for Seinfeld?  Why are they promoting a show from the 90's on a box of snack cakes 25 years after the series finale aired, and why is it only on Ring Dings and not any of the other Drake's products?

Then it hit me...

There's an episode in the fifth season of Seinfeld called The Dinner Party where Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer stop to pick up a bottle of wine and a chocolate babka as gifts for the host of a party that they're attending later that day.  George Costanza, to whom I relate to in too many ways to mention, finds this to be ridiculous.  He suggests that they instead pick up a box of Ring Dings and a bottle of Pepsi.

Grab your crayons, because the back of the box has a coloring book page featuring Jerry's living room.  Click here if you want a better copy to print out for yourself.  For best results, print in black and white with the image set on landscape and "best fit to page".

Seeing this kind of makes me wish that somebody would make a Seinfeld Colorforms set.

When you've finished coloring, you can binge episodes of Seinfeld while snacking on Ring Dings and Pepsi.  Add a few black and white cookies to round out the evening.  Hey, it beats going to a dinner party.

Breakfast From The Quik Bunny

Nesquik Cocoa Crush Cereal

Nestle (2023)
For quite a few years, I worked for the consumer relations team of Nestle USA Confections, Baking and Ice Cream, which was known internally as Nestle CBI.  The divisions got shuffled up a bit during my time there, so by the time I left the company, I was the consumer relations trainer for Nestle West, which was comprised of four product divisions: confections, beverages, ice cream and international brands.

The International Brands division was kind of a catch-all for brands and products that Nestle produced in other countries which were imported to the United States due to high consumer demand, such as Maggi seasonings, Nescafe coffee, and Quality Street chocolates.  However, this division didn't include every foreign-born product that the company made.  For example, Nestle was heavily involved with breakfast cereal overseas throughout my time with the company, but the product line wasn't a part of their International Brands portfolio.  It's not impossible to buy Nestle breakfast cereal in the US, but it's not something that the company itself has any role in importing or marketing here in the States, so you can only really find it in stores that specialize in foreign products.

One such store has recently opened in the old GameStop location in the Laurel Mall in Hazleton, PA.  It's called NEPA Exotic Snax, and they have a great selection of snack foods and beverages that you can't get in a typical grocery store in the United States.  One of the products that they had was Nesquik Cereal, and I couldn't pass up the opportunity to give it a try.

From the photos that I've found of this cereal online, it seems as if there are a few different versions of Nesquik Cereal.  The one that was available at this store was called Nesquik Cocoa Crush, which are little crunchy chocolate squares that are filled with chocolate cream.  It's a pretty tasty cereal.  It's not quite as sweet as I was expecting it to be, but that's probably a good thing.  With all of the weight that I've put on over the past five years, the last thing that I need is more sugar.

 

If you live in the United States and you want to try Nesquik Cereal, but you don't have a specialty import shop in your neighborhood, I may have a solution for you.  Kellogg's has a line of breakfast cereals in their lineup called Krave, and one of their flavors is Double Chocolate Brownie Batter.  I haven't tried it yet so I can't confirm that they taste the same, but it's not uncommon for the rights to one product being split between multiple companies depending on which country you're in.  For example, here in the United States, Kit Kat bars are a Hershey product, but if you go anywhere else in the world, you'll find that Kit Kat bars are made by Nestle.  I'm not sure if something similar is going on with this breakfast cereal formula, but it sure looks like that could be the case.

Hershey's Fireworks

Hershey's White Creme with Sprinkles and Popping Candy
The Hershey Company (2023)
I found this at Wal-Mart last month, and while I thought it tasted pretty good, I couldn't help but to think that the marketing department at Hershey has really just stopped trying when it comes to the name of their products.  The wrapper is covered in stars, the candy bar itself is red, white and blue, and it's filled with candy pieces that are similar to Pop Rocks that pop and tingle in your mouth as you eat it.  The copy practically writes itself to tie this product in with Independence Day or fireworks, but... nope.

It's a pretty tasty candy bar if you like white chocolate, but is "Hershey's White Creme with Sprinkles and Popping Candy" really the best name they could come up with?

Monsters and Dragons

Mizu Sushi

Highland Park Blvd - Wilkes Barre, PA

We stopped here for sushi on the way home after seeing The Big Lebowski a few weeks ago.

I had the Frankenstein Roll and the Green Dragon Roll.  The color of the Frankenstein Roll made me wonder if whoever came up with this peach-colored roll is one of the folks who looks for opportunities to remind other people that Frankenstein was the name of the doctor who created Frankenstein's Monster.

Both of these were delicious and are among the things I'm going to miss when we go vegan.  It's going to be a while before that happens because we have a lot of non-vegan foods that are already in our kitchen, and I'm not about to waste good food, but I'm still taking a mental tally of the things that are going to be off the menu for good.

Be Excellent To Each Other

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure / Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

This double feature is especially meaningful to me.  My grandfather brought me to the movie theater to see Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure when I was eight years old, and we went to see the sequel two years later.  I've watched them on home video many times in the years since, and seeing them remind me of my grandfather every time.  He was especially fond of Death in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey.  Any time the Bill & Ted movies came up in conversation, he'd mention the part where Death sees a man smoking a cigarette in the hardware store and says "see you real soon", and the end of the movie when he says "You might be a king or a street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the reaper".  Grandpa passed away twelve years ago, but last night at the Mahoning, it felt like he was sitting there with us.

The poster for this show was designed by T-Bone & Aljax.  The attention to detail in the Circle K windows is incredible!  It includes many of the things that are actually hanging on the store in the movie, along with a poster for last night's double feature that includes an image of George Carlin from the Bill & Ted animated series (which may or may not have made an appearance on the big screen).

I told myself at the start of the season that I really needed to keep the poster purchases this season to a minimum.  As much as I love them, I don't have enough wall space to hang most of the ones I already own, but I had to make an exception because this is my favorite poster of any of the shows that we've been to at the Mahoning so far.  I'll find room for this one for sure.

 

Another thing that I'm beginning to phase out is meat, but not for the same reasons.  My wife has recently started to eat vegan, and I've cut my meat consumption down to three days a week.  I'm planning to cut meat out of my diet entirely after I've finished the last meat that's in the house, but until then, I'm still allowing myself to eat meat three days every week.

Thankfully, the Mahoning concession building does have vegan options, but The Most Excellent Burger is not one of them.  It's a big burger stuffed with popcorn, nacho chips, nacho cheese and barbecue sauce, and it was very tasty!

Title Card photos by Louie Sullivan

There was a trailer reel played before each of the features, including one for a 1988 Bobcat Goldthwait comedy called Hot To Trot.  I've never heard of it before, but it looked like it was absolutely bananas, and it is now my mission to find and watch this movie as soon as possible.

Just as he had done for the screening of Freaked last weekend, Alex Winter recorded a brief introduction that was played before the movie.  He seems like a genuinely good dude.  I hope he can make it out to the lot sometime.

Be excellent to each other.  Party on dude!

Every rose has its thorn, just like every night has it's dawn...

I was 8 years old and 11 years old the last time.I saw these movies on the big screen.  Before we discovered the Mahoning Drive-In Theater, I never thought I'd get to see a 35mm print of these movies ever again.  This is our third year coming to the drive-in, and they've been so consistently awesome that I'm not even surprised anymore when they make a dream come true, but that doesn't mean that I appreciate it any less than I did the first time I stepped foot on the lot.  This place is magical.

Don't Go To Sleep

Remake Double-Take: Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956) / Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978)
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
This is one of my favorite events of the year at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  Last season, we got to see back-to-back screenings of The Fly, starting with the original 1958 classic and ending with the 1986 masterpiece from David Cronenberg.  This year, we got to enjoy the 1956 and 1978 versions of one of the most impactful science fiction stories of all time: Invasion Of The Body Snatchers.

 

The first meeting of the Mahoning Book Club took place on the lot prior to the gates opening.  This was started by Sandy, who is not only the Mahoning's merchandising manager (you'll find her working at the merch table on most nights), but also a published writer and an English professor at East Stroudsburg University.  In addition to all of that, she's a hell of a nice person.  I really wanted to be there for the book club, but we had to work until 5:00 and the meeting was over by the time we were able to get to the lot for the club's discussion on the story that inspired the film, The Body Snatchers by Jack Finney.

The next meeting of the book club will be a discussion of The Haunting Of Hill House by Shirley Jackson.  It's scheduled to take place prior to Night Two of Haunted House Party, which is on a Saturday when we're both off of work, so barring any major catastrophe, we'll definitely be there!

Artist Tom Bifulco created the design for both the poster and the t-shirt.  They also had coasters and some new merchandise available for the 2023 season at the drive-in.

The first feature of the night was the original Invasion Of The Body Snatchers from 1956.  This is the second time that we got to see this film at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater.  We first saw it two years ago at the final night of Schlock-O-Rama V when it played as the second half of a double feature with War Of The Worlds.  It's an absolute must-see for any fan of sci-fi, horror, of movies in general, and it has a very different feel than any of the remakes that I've seen.  The people who have been replaced by the pods don't act like mindless zombies, but instead just come across as apathetic and devoid of emotion.  The Dr. Bennell character has a line in the film that sums it up best: "In my practice, I've seen how people have allowed their humanity to drain away, only it happened slowly instead of all at once. They didn't seem to mind... All of us... a little bit... we harden our hearts, grow callous."  In other words, the end result of becoming a "pod person" isn't too dissimilar to what happens to many of us as we grow older and lose our passion for the things that were once dear to us.  You don't need an alien invasion to become a "pod person".

 

The 1978 remake of Invasion Of The Body Snatchers is one of the greatest sci-fi/horror films of all time.  The first time I saw this movie was when I was a teenager and living with my grandparents in West Hazleton.  I was in a car accident early in the summer, and I worked at Blowout Video where I could rent as many movies as I wanted for free, so I spent a lot of time that year alone in my bedroom watching movies with a bucket of popcorn.  This is one of the movies that sent a shiver up my spine that stuck with me for a long time.

I've never watched both versions of the film back-to-back before last night.  Even though the concept is the same, this is a significantly different story from the first film.  It has a lot more character development and a surreal and eerie feeling that gets under your skin as you watch how it unfolds.  Donald Sutherland and Brooke Adams deliver one of the best performances of a male and female lead that I've ever seen.  The tension between these two is thick throughout the film, but they don't beat you over the head with it.  Leonard Nimoy, Jeff Goldblum and Veronica Cartwright are also brilliant.  If you haven't watched this movie before, you really should.

And that's a wrap on the 2023 edition of Remake Double-Take.  If you're a fan of the Mahoning Drive-In Theater and you haven't had the opportunity to check out one of these events, it's an experience that you won't forget and I highly recommend that you come and check it out!

How To Smell Like A Sith Lord

Dark Side Scrub
Dr. Squatch (2023)

What kind of nerd buys limited edition Star Wars soap?  The same kind of nerd who starts out a blog post with the word "greetings", that's who!

You've got to respect the commitment to the gimmick here.  The ingredients of this soap include chokeberries, which may or may not help you to express how disturbed you are by someone's lack of faith.  Lord Vader might find the use of this berry to be appealing, however I don't think he would approve of the sand, which can be coarse and rough.  Thankfully, the sand in this soap isn't irritating and it doesn't get everywhere... unless you take the wet bar out of the shower.

There are three other bars in this line of Star Wars soap, including products inspired by Darth Maul, Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda.

 

The color of this bar had me wondering if they had mistakenly packaged the Darth Maul soap in the Darth Vader box.  I don't think that's the case, but the red and black would have gone perfectly with the horned villain of The Phantom Menace.

As for the product itself, I must say that if you think my food and movie reviews are half-assed, you're in for a treat because I'm about to limbo under even the lowest bar of expectations.  It's square, it smells nice, and it got me clean, so... two thumbs up?

Stay On Target

Star Wars Target Advertisement
St Louis Post Dispatch - May 4, 1978

The phrase "may the 4th be with you" only came into popular use about twenty years ago, so it's pretty interesting to see that Target announced their sale on Star Wars merchandise on the very first May 4th that happened after the release of the of the first film.  [source: Star Wars Collectors Archive]

Tuesday Night With A Kandarian Demon

The Evil Dead
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

Exhumed Films kicked off their Tunnel Vision Tuesday season last night with a 35mm screening of the 1981 classic that launched the careers of Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell: The Evil Dead.

The Tunnel Vision Tuesday lineup that has been announced is pretty incredible.  So far, we know that the series will include Cannibal Holocaust, Straw Dogs, The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, Stand By Me, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Part 2, Bullet In The Head, National Lampoon's Vacation, Total Recall, Airplane, Make Them Die Slowly, Infra-Man, and the most recently announced screening, Napoleon Dynamite.  That's a hell of a mix of horror, action, sci-fi and comedy classics, none of which I've seen on the big screen before.  We're not able to make it to all of them, but we'll be there for quite a few!

 

Last night was also Little Harvey's first time at the drive-in this season.  It was pretty cold out and my little buddy's fur isn't as thick as it was when he was a younger pup, so we bundled him up in a big blanket to help keep him warm.

I've watched the first Evil Dead movie plenty of times in my life, but it hits differently when you see it projected from a 35mm print at a drive-in theater... especially one that's in the middle of the woods and that you have to cross over a narrow bridge to get to.  Seriously... if you love movies and you live within a reasonable driving distance of the Mahoning Drive-In Theater, you owe it to yourself to check this place out.

...But Stories Always End

Gordon Lightfoot
1938 - 2023

There isn't a lot of music in this world that means as much to me as the work of Mr. Gordon Lightfoot.  He passed away in Toronto yesterday at the age of 84.  Six years ago, I was privileged to attend a concert of his in Jim Thorpe and to hear the man himself play and sing many of the songs that have been a source of comfort throughout my life.  Thank you, Mr. Lightfoot.  Maybe our paths will cross again on the carefree highway.

Twelve Milkmen On The Same Route Is Theoretically Possible

Freaked
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA

When I was a teenager, I was vaguely aware of the fact that Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves starred together in a movie that wasn't a part of the Bill & Ted universe, but I didn't know anything about it.  I wasn't even sure what it was called.  It had fallen off of my radar in the years that followed until the Mahoning Drive-In Theater announced that this movie would be the first Sunday night screening of the 2023 season.

In addition to the movie, the Mahoning hosted a Halfway To Halloween flea market.  Even though it rained literally nonstop for the entire day, there were still dozens of vendors who set up shop in little tarp tents at the edge of their vehicles throughout the lot.  It felt like I was walking through the merchants stores in a water-themed town of an RPG.

Being the mature middle-aged gentleman that I am, I picked up a Steven Rhodes coloring book with pages that include Let's Have A Seance and My First Knife Fight.  I bought a second book from the same author called My Little Occult Book Club, which is like a parody of the Weekly Reader book flyers that we used to get in elementary school in the 80's, but with a dark twist.  I'm sure that you'll be seeing more about these in a future post.

We got another souvenir at the front gate.  The first 100 cars on the lot received a free limited edition commemorative ticket to tonight's film.  I don't mean to pat myself on the back too hard because I'm sure that Sandy had long forgotten that I ever mentioned it, but this was a suggestion that I made two years ago when we first discovered the Mahoning.  I hope that they keep doing these for future shows.  The banners that they use to advertise their weekends are way too cool to not do something fun with them.

Last, but not least, the poster for last night's event was created by Hayden Hall, who has done quite a few posters for the Mahoning over the years.

As for the movie itself, it was bonkers in all the right ways.  It stars Alex Winter as a former child star Ricky Coogin who accepts a $5 million dollar contract to represent the Everything But Shoes corporation in the South American country of Santa Flan (named for the patron saint of creamy desserts).  His role in the country is to promote a toxic fertilizer called Zygrot 24, which is banned in every other country.  Shortly after landing in Santa Flan, Coogin and his friend Ernie encounter my middle school crush, Megan Ward.  Ms. Ward plays an environmentalist named Julie who is protesting against Zygrot 24, but I'll always know her best as the love interest in three of my favorite teen comedies from the 90's: Encino Man, PCU, and Joe's Apartment.

The three end up traveling together to a freak show theme park run by a sadistically insane Randy Quaid, and they soon learn that the stars of this freak show were turned into the freaks that they are today by Quaid and his use of the Zygrot 24 chemical on them.  These freaks include Ortiz The Dog Boy (played by an uncredited Keanu Reeves), The Bearded Lady (played by Mr. T, who is in drag throughout the entire film), Sockhead (voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait, but played by a literal hand in a sock with googly eyes on it), and other freaks which include a human worm, a giant nose, a cowboy who is an human cow, a man with a giant nose for a head, and a man who farts fire, among others.

It's a shame that Freaked hasn't found a wider audience because it's a hell of a lot of fun.  It's a balls-to-the-wall zany comedy with sight gags and puns that never stop, and it makes absolutely no attempt for you to take it seriously.  The movie invites you to unplug from the world for 80 minutes and just let the insanity wash over you.