How Happy Are You With Your Visit Today?

Wal-Mart Supercenter
Rt. 309 - Tamaqua, PA
So... one star means that I died in the store?

Straddle The Line In Discord And Rhyme

Rio
Duran Duran (1982)

The second studio album from the legendary Duran Duran, and arguably the greatest new wave album of all-time turns forty years old today.  The album went double platinum and includes three songs that have gone down as 80's classics: Rio, Hungry Like The Wolf, and my favorite song on the album, Save A Prayer.

Save A Prayer

Duran Duran (1982)

You saw me standing by the wall

Corner of a main street

And the lights are flashing on your window sill

All alone ain't much fun

So you're looking for the thrill

And you know just what it takes

And where to go

Don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

No, don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

Feel the breeze deep on the inside

Look you down into your well

If you can, you'll see the world in all his fire

Take a chance like all dreamers

You can't find another way

You don't have to dream it all

Just live a day

Don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

No, don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

Pretty looking road

I try to hold the rising floods that fill my skin

Don't ask me why, I'll keep my promise

Melt the ice

And you wanted to dance

So I asked you to dance

But fear is in your soul

Some people call it a one-night stand

But we can call it paradise

Don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

No, don't say a prayer for me now

Save it 'til the morning after

Duck Season

Kwik Shoppe Drive In
Route 61 - Shoemakersville, PA

We've passed by this place on the way to and from every Reading Phillies game and I've always wanted to stop.  I was finally able to check this place out on Saturday when we were on the way to see How Rednecks Saved Hollywood.

According to their website, the Kwik Shoppe Drive In opened in 1971, and I'm assuming that their glorious neon sign has been proudly standing out front for the past 50+ years to lure people off of Route 61 to stop for a hot dog and a soda.

The inside of the restaurant is simple and charming.  It reminded me of the Mister Donut in Hazleton that I used to go to when I was a kid.

There's an entire section of the menu dedicated to duck.  All of it is very reasonably priced, so I decided to try the Duck Burger and Duck Fries.  Not gonna lie - the duck burger was kind of disappointing.  It didn't taste bad or anything, but there wasn't much to it.  The Loaded Duck Fries were pretty damn good though.  I definitely want to come back, but I'm going to go for the Coney Island Hot Dogs and pierogies next time.

Last, but not least, we each had an ice cream sundae cup.  That's a banana split on the left and a strawberry sundae on the right.  They have a soft serve machine and can make just about anything you want, but I saw a bunch of these cups lined up in the freezer and couldn't resist trying it.  Both sundaes were loaded with fruit and definitely worth the money, but I think I'm going to try a milkshake next time we stop by.

Joe Bob Is Back In Town

An Evening With Joe Bob Briggs: How Rednecks Saved Hollywood

Colonial Theater - Phoenixville, PA
We saw this show for the first time on day one of Joe Bob's Drive-In Jamboree at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater last year.  It was a great show and my favorite night of the Jamboree, so when it was announced that Mr. Briggs would be coming to the historic Colonial Theater in Phoenixville, I knew that I couldn't miss it.

The Colonial Theater is over a hundred years old.  It opened its doors in 1903 and was a venue for traveling vaudeville acts, musicals, and other stage shows.  It's best remembered today as one of the filming locations for the 1958 Steve McQueen classic, The Blob.

The tickets to the show were general admission, so I wanted to make sure that we got good seats.  Because of this, I didn't get as much time to explore the theater as I would have liked, but what I did see was absolutely beautiful.  The folks at the Colonial screen original 35mm prints of old movies, and they host an annual event called Blobfest, so I'm sure I'll be back at some point in the future.

Mr. Briggs had a meet-and-greet set up on the second floor before the start of the show.  We had the opportunity to meet him twice before.  The first time was in 2018 at a small convention in Stanhope, New Jersey.  The second time was last summer at one of my favorite places in the world, the Mahoning Drive-In Theater, during the first night of Joe Bob's Drive-In Jamboree.

He took a nice photo with us on both of those occasions, and I really wish I would have had one of them printed as an 8x10 to bring to the show today so that we could ask him to autograph it.  I didn't think of it until a few hours before we left for the show when it was too late.  Mr. Briggs has already signed a few things for us, but I didn't want to go to an autograph signing without having something to sign.

We bought this art print last year from T-Denton, who is the website artist for Mr. Briggs.  I'm going to get a frame for it and hang it up every year with the rest of our Christmas decorations.  You can find Mr. Denton's artwork for sale on DeviantArt and Etsy.  His work is incredible, his prices are extremely fair, and he's a genuinely good dude.

 

I couldn't resist asking Mr. Briggs to sign one more thing.  There are few things in this world that have brought me happiness for as many years as Garbage Pail Kids.  My first one was given to me by a little girl who I was friends with when I was five years old.  I don't remember her name.  Her parents were friends with my parents, so we played when they came over to visit, but I still have that card to this day (Joltin' Joe from series 1, card 41b).

I don't collect the newer GPK cards that have come out in my adult life, but I couldn't resist picking up the Joe Bob Briggs ones from their 2019 Revenge Of Oh The Horror-ible series.  It's a fun mashup of something that brought me a lot of joy as a kid in the 80's with a man who brought me even more happiness in the 90's and beyond, so having it signed by the man himself is pretty special to me.

How Rednecks Saved Hollywood is awesome!  Even if you're not as big of a fan of horror movies and The Last Drive-In as we are, I strongly recommend it.  Joe Bob is such a fun and engaging person that I would confidently say that everyone would have a good time at this show.  We've seen it twice now, and I wouldn't hesitate to go back a third time if and when he brings it back to our neck of the woods.  Don't sleep on this if you have an opportunity to see it.  You'll learn.  You'll laugh.  You'll find things to stream that you never thought you'd watch before, and you'll leave with a whole new appreciation for Smokey And The Bandit.

Remake Double Take

Remake Double-Take: The Fly (1958) / The Fly (1986)

Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
The Remake Double-Take is a tradition at the Mahoning Drive-In Theater where they show an original film back-to-back with its remake.  In the past, they've screened double features of The Thing (1951 / 1982) and The Blob (1958 / 1988).  This season, the Remake Double-Take double feature is The Fly (1958 / 1986).

The poster for this weekend's double feature was designed by Hayden Hall of Sick Slice Studios.  This artist has created quite a few posters for shows at the Mahoning in previous seasons, including one of my favorite posters from last season, VHS Fest V.

The Mahoning has so many incredibly talented artists who they've partnered with over the years, and Tom Bilfulco has been one of my favorites.  Last season, he designed artwork for Joe Bob's Jamboree, the t-shirt for VHS Fest V, and posters for Janet & Jamie, Ricci's Pieces, Universal Monster Mash V, Cage Match, Frankenhooker, Honey I Shrunk The Kids, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, as well as posters and shirts for many other shows that we weren't able to get to.  For the 2022 Remake Double-Take weekend, he designed these awesome black and green t-shirts for The Fly.

 

The Mahoning Drive-In Theater has a podcast that is definitely worth listening to for everyone who enjoys movies and the drive-in culture, even if you live too far away to make it to Lehighton.  One of the things they like to do during these podcasts is play vintage drive-in theater commercials in between segments of the show.  This is how I learned about a nifty piece of merchandise called the Drizzle Guard.  They were produced and sold during the 50's and 60's, and it's basically just a piece of tarp that's connected to some metal rods, rope and suction cups.  The idea is that you stretch it across the top of your windshield to help keep it dry when it's raining so that you don't have to run your car or the windshield wipers during the movie.

Apart from being a fan of drive-in theaters, I am also addicted to new old stock (don't even ask me about our coffee pot), so I had to track one of these down.  It wasn't too difficult, as there were a bunch of them on eBay, and I think I paid around eight bucks for this with free shipping over the winter.  Since we had a light but steady rain throughout the day, there was no better time to break this puppy out.

It worked out surprisingly well.  It doesn't keep the entire windshield dry, but it doesn't have to.  It kept the rain off of the top half of the windshield, which was more than enough of an area for both of us to see the movie without the rain obscuring any part of the screen.

This thing had the most durable suction cups I've ever seen.  We put this up at around 6:30 and it stayed in place through the entire night.  I'm not sure if it would hold up to a thunderstorm (in fact, the package flat out tells you to remove it in high winds), but it was definitely up to its intended purpose.  There was only one minor hiccup, and it was kind of amusing.

When the tarp collects enough rain water to weigh it down, it dumps the water down the center of the windshield.  This happened about once every 20 minutes, give or take.  The good news is that it always dumped directly down the center of the windshield, so the Drizzle Guard still did it's job of keeping the area of the movie screen dry even when it... um... climaxed.  It made me wonder if it would be possible to attach something else to the top of the windshield.  Maybe something like a rain gutter that's shaped in a slight arch to direct the water to the left and right of the car.

The only downside that I could find is that you have to sit up in the car for the Drizzle Guard to be effective.  If you bring pillows and put the seat back to recline and watch the movie, your field of vision is going to change and you'll be looking through the bottom of your windshield where the rain is still collecting.

All things considered, this is a pretty decent product.  It's not perfect, but not too shabby for a product that has sit unopened for the past sixty years.  I can only imagine how many different theaters, stores and warehouses this thing sat in before it found its way to me, but it's getting put to good use now.  What better way to enjoy a vintage film on 35mm than with a piece of vintage drive-in technology.

I think I have a pretty adventurous spirit when it comes to trying new things, but I had to pass on the Fly Trap Fries.  It's pretty hard to enjoy a double feature when you're in a sugar coma.

 

As always, the photo op at the Mahoning was incredible.  The incorporated elements from both the 1958 and 1982 films, and it all came together perfectly.  I can't imagine the amount of work it takes to put these together week after week.

I wasn't the only one busting some new old stock free on Friday night's double feature.  Before the show, Rob announced that one of the previews that he would be screening for us before the first movie was a teaser trailer that has sit in its packaging, unopened and unplayed, for forty years.  It was for the David Cronenberg classic, Videodrome.  Long live the new flesh!

Neither my wife or I had ever seen the original 1958 version of The Fly, but we were both blown away.  It's an incredible movie, and the 1986 version so different that it's hard to even call it a remake.  This isn't like Coke and Pepsi with minor differences that you might have a hard time putting into words.  It would be more accurate to say that these are two completely separate films that are both a part of a fly-related teleportation genre.  That may sound ridiculous, but go ahead and watch the two of them back-to-back and tell me if you don't agree.

The only thing that they two movies have in common is that it involves a scientist who invents a teleportation machine, and he suffers ill effects after trying to teleport himself because a small housefly has entered the pod with him.  I realize that might sound like a lot, but it isn't.  Everything else about these two films is completely different - the plot, the tone, literally everything, and seeing these two movies back-to-back on the big screen really drives it home.  You can truly watch and appreciate each film as a unique piece of art.

 

The David Cronenberg version of The Fly is one of my favorite horror flicks of the 1980's.  It's one of the many movies that I saw for the first time when I worked at Blowout Video as a teenager, and the Mahoning has once again made a dream come true of seeing it on the big screen.

This movie is absolutely disgusting for all of the right reasons, from Jeff Goldblum's body falling apart to his vomiting digestive enzymes as a weapon to dissolve the hand and foot of the Particle Magazine editor who has broken into his home to rescue Ronnie.  It's not gross for the sake of being gross.  It's relentless in its pursuit to tell the story that it wants to tell, and it's done with such intensity that it feels like the movie is daring you not to watch these scenes.  I didn't look away, and I never will.

The season's just getting started and we already got to see five classic movies over three nights under the stars.  I wish I had my own teleportation device that I could use to pop onto the lot whenever I wanted.  I could disguise it as one of the port-a-potties with an out-of-order sign on the door.  In all seriousness, I consider myself extremely fortunate to have my health, to be financially stable, and to live close enough to this wonderful drive-in theater to be able to have so many amazing nights in front of its CinemaScope screen under the stars.

Enlarged To Show Texture

Fit Balls
SDA Foods (2022)
All kidding aside about the name, these things are pretty damn good.  

I'm not sure what they cost at full price, but I found these at Big Lots for less than three bucks, and they're totally worth it.  There's no added sugar.  In fact, they're made from just three ingredients: sun dried dates, hazelnuts and coconut, and they make a very nice snack if you're trying to lose a few pounds.  However, if that's going to work out, I really need to lay off of the limited edition Mountain Dew.

The Mountain Is On Fire

Mountain Dew: Flamin' Hot
PepsiCo (2022)

I was hoping to find a zero sugar version of this to try, but I've made so many exceptions with my diet this month that I finally just said to hell with it.  I can go back to eating healthy in May, but I've got to know what a Flamin' Hot Mountain Dew tastes like.

This is a surprisingly great soda - much better than most of the Mountain Dew variations that I've tried over the past few years.  It's got just the right amount of spice, and the way that it blends with the citrus reminds me of the way that an ice cold ginger beer can be hot, yet cool and refreshing at the same time.  It's not the kind of sensation that is likely to make you run for a piece of bread to lessen the burn, but it's not subtle either.  If they made a diet version of this, I'd drink it all the time.

An Alien Hunts Two Governors In The Rainforest

Predator
Mahoning Drive-In Theater - Lehighton, PA
The first Tunnel Vision Tuesday of 2022 was an 80's classic that I've never actually seen from beginning to end - the iconic 1987 action/sci-fi hit Predator.

Prior to last night, the only movie from the Predator franchise that I had ever seen in its entirety was Alien vs. Predator.  It was the second half of a double feature with I, Robot at the Laurel Drive-In in the summer of 2004, and if I'm being honest, the draw for me to want to go to the drive-in that night was to see the latest Alien flick.

I had only ever watched bits and pieces of Predator before, like if I was flipping through channels or in the background at a friend or relatives house.  From this very limited exposure, the impression that it left was that it was sort of like a war move - a bunch of soldiers in camouflage roaming around the jungle who are trying to kill something and not get killed themselves.

My stepfather used to watch movies like that all the time, and it soured me on the genre of war films - particularly when he would quote lines from Full Metal Jacket as if he thought he was a super soldier reliving his glory days of war on the big screen.  It wasn't until many years later that I did the math and found out that he didn't actually fight in the Korean War (unless he served when he was 14, which he didn't), and that he was just another stolen valor Foghorn Leghorn jackass who boasted about things he knew nothing about.  Years later when I worked at Blowout Video, I found that Full Metal Jacket is an awesome movie, and that I shouldn't allow other people to negatively affect my enjoyment of a film.  I'm still not the world's biggest war movie fan, but I'll give them the same shot that I'd give to any other movie.  Predator and its sequel have been on my list of movies to revisit with an open mind to see what they're all about, but I just never got around to it.

Harvey came out to the drive-in with us last night, and he could not have been a happier dog!  The little guy has had a pretty rough time recently.  He was attacked by two larger dogs who got out of their yard last month.  It wasn't life-threatening, but it was pretty bad and he had to go in for surgery.  He took his antibiotics with no trouble, but he wasn't at all happy about having to wear a cone to keep him from biting his stitches.  The good news is that he's almost finished on his road to recovery.  The stitches were removed a few weeks ago, his wounds are pretty close to being healed over completely, and he's happily bounding around like his old self - completely unaware that he is a ten year old dog and not a puppy.  I've never seen him so happy to be at the drive-in.  When I walked him around the lot, his tail was wagging to the point of being a little furry blur.

 

Now that I've finally seen it, I can say that Predator is one hell of an action flick.  It's a unique blend of a war movie, an 80's action flick and science fiction, and it's got a pretty awesome premise.  An alien has landed in the wilderness of Central America.  This alien isn't trying to take over or colonize the planet, and they're not on a secret mission to harvest our minerals or bring back humans for food, or anything like that.  He's just on a hunting vacation  If you've ever known someone who took the day off of work to go deer hunting, it's basically that, except the alien won't kill anyone if they're unarmed and can't fight back.  So when you get right down to it, the alien in Predator is a more decent fellow than the folks on our planet who go into the woods to kill deer, safe in the knowledge that the deer can't fight back.

The script is loaded to the gills with quotable lines, particularly from the two actors who would go on to become Governor of their home state later in life: Jesse "The Body" Ventura in 1999 (Minnesota) and Arnold Schwarzenegger in 2003 (California).  Ventura's iconic line from this film, "I Ain't Got Time To Bleed", was used for the title of his autobiography which was published after he was elected.

I know I've said this before, but I'm kind of glad that I missed out on it all these years so that my first time seeing it was the way it was seen by audiences thirty-five years ago when it was released - on original 35mm film projected on a cinemascope screen under the stars.

You've Seen The Difference And It's Getting Better All The Time

After The Snow
Modern English (1982)

Forty years ago today, Modern English released their second studio album, After The Snow.  It's not a record I ever had as a kid, but it has one of my favorite songs ever recorded: I Melt With You.

The song isn't as metaphorical as most listeners believe it to be.  It's about a couple who make love as nuclear war causes the end of the world around them.  In an interview, singer Robbie Grey said “I don’t think many people realized it was about a couple making love as the bomb dropped. As they made love, they become one and melt together.”

Since we started dating, this was the B-Side to "our song" for my wife and I.  Our main song is Take On Me, but truth be told, I think that I Melt With You is more descriptive of our relationship.  Neither of us are very social or outgoing people.  I have had times in my life where I tried to be, but it never works out and it always just ends up making me feel miserable.  For me, being social is like wearing a pair of shoes that doesn't fit just because they're in style.  I did it for the approval of others in the hopes of it allowing me to approve of myself.  As awful as the pandemic was, it had the side-effect in my life of helping me to accept who I really am.  My wife was able to do this much earlier in life than I was.  She was very social and outgoing in high school, but by her early 20's, she said "nope, that's not who I am", and she's never questioned it ever since.  It's one of the many reasons that I love and admire her.  So, a song about two people who have connected while the world dies off and the two of them melt together in the chaos is pretty close to the perfect song for who we are.

 

I Melt With You

Modern English (1982)

Moving forward using all my breath

Making love to you was never second best

I saw the world crashing all around your face

Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

Dream of better lives, the kind which never hate

Dropped in the state of imaginary grace

I made a pilgrimage to save this human's race

Never comprehending the race had long gone by

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

I'll stop the world and melt with you

I've seen some changes, but it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

The future's open wide

I'll stop the world and melt with you

You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time

There's nothing you and I won't do

I'll stop the world and melt with you

Before and After

The hair was getting a little too much, especially with it starting to get warm outside.

Don't Tip The Raft, Baby

Creepshow 2
New World Pictures (1987)

One of my favorite anthology horror films was released to theaters 35 years ago today.  It's another 80's movie that seems to get no love on Rotten Tomatoes, but if you're the kind of person who can enjoy campy horror stories that don't take themselves too seriously, there's a lot of fun to be had here.

The first story begins at a small hardware store in a dying town.  The store is owned by an old couple, with the husband played by George Kennedy who I know best as Leslie Nielson's partner in The Naked Gun.  The couple are given a bag of valuable jewelry from a local Navajo chief whose people are in debt to the store with the understanding that if they cannot pay back their debt, they may keep them to settle the debt.  The chief leaves, and his rotten nephew and his two white friends rob the place and kill the old couple.  This causes the wooden Indian statue at the front of the store (Old Chief Woodenhead) to come to life and take vengeance on the thieves.

 

There are a couple of late 70's pinball machines in corner of the store near the photo booth.  The camera doesn't stay on them for too long, but machine in the corner is an Aztec table from Williams, and to its right next to the photo booth is a Super Straight machine, made by Sega SA.  You can see the playing cards on the side and a bit of the backglass of the Super Straight machine in the shots where Sam Whitemoon is looking at his photos and going through the purse that he just stole from the woman.

 

My favorite part of Creepshow 2 is the second story.  Four college kids find themselves trapped on a raft in the middle of a secluded lake while a black blob-like creature who lives in the water hunts them.  It has a pretty cringe-worthy scene where one of the guys tries to take advantage of one of the women, but it's a good suspenseful situation.

The third and final story is The Hitchhiker.  It starts off with a woman in bed with a gigolo who charges $25 bucks per orgasm.  Maybe he could offer a rewards card where customers pay for nine and get the tenth one free.  While speeding down the highway in an attempt to get home before her husband, she hits and kills a hitchhiker.  The bloody reanimated corpse of the hitchhiker spends the rest of the story trying to kill her while shouting "thanks for the ride, lady".  It's not bad, but it's my least favorite of the three.  Something about characters talking to themselves too much tends to get on my nerves.